Saturday, July 16, 2005

Should I Become a Scientologist Like Tom Cruise?

But first....I am posting this a little early because today is the Mellencamp concert so I will be drinking and partying all day in preparation. I may not be back on here till Monday, depending on the level of the hangover I have.

Found this meme over at Bitchalicious a little while ago and I had to take this one on because it is awesome.

Could I be joining Tom Cruise in the Church of Scientology? Could I be shunning pharmaceutical drugs and blaming people for their mental illnesses and postpartum depression? Could I start jumping on couches and pounding the floor declaring my love for Hub? Could I start believing I am a martian or a robot or whatever those Scientology freaks believe? Let's find out, shall we?

(These are real questions from the Church of Scientology's "SEC WHOLE TRACK" questionnaire. Seriously.)

1. Have you ever driven anyone insane?
I drive my husband insane on a daily basis and I can guarantee that anyone who has spent good quality drinking time with me has felt their sanity slowly slipping away.

2. Have you ever killed the wrong person?
Nope, I've got good aim.

3. Is anybody looking for you?
Nobody good.

4. Have you ever set a poor example?
Nope, I always teach Princess to wear a YaYa helmet when drinking her juice.

5. Did you come to earth for evil purposes?
I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

6. Are you in hiding?

7. Have you systematically set up mysteries?
Well I guess so. That's why one of my nicknames is "Dr. Evil" and I have frickin sharks with frickin laser beams on their heads.

8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Only myself.

9. Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
I am always philosophizing and never acting. Its what I do best.

10. Have you ever gone crazy?
A long time ago, and I ain't never comin' back.

11. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
Actually yes. Back in the day, pre-Hub, I had quite the stable of admirers who could not take no for an answer. So I tried to act even crazier than I am to scare them off. But the crazier I acted, the more they wanted me. Go figure.

12. Have you ever deserted or betrayed a great leader?
Well its been quite a while since this country had a great leader. So I will say no.

13. Have you ever smothered a baby?
Nope. Never even thought about it, with a good little baby like Princess.

14. Do you deserve to have any friends?
Of course I do. I'm fun.

15. Have you ever castrated anyone?
Not yet, but I wanted to castrate the boys in question #11. And all rapists and child molesters.

16. Do you deserve to be enslaved?
No, unless its by Billy Lane ;)

17. Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
Number 13, because it's the only one that's not really very funny at all.

18. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
I don't even know what that means. Unless you mean by drinking my problems away? Then, maybe.

19. Have you ever zapped anyone?
I zap people all day long while I am driving with my pretend gun when they get in my way or drive slow in the fast lane. Or at Shop-Rite when they leave their carts in the middle of the aisle.

20. Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so did you spread it?
As far as I know, this is the only body I have had and its clean.

So, am I in? Can I join all the Hollywood freaks in their Scientology castle out there in Cali-for-ni-A, or do I have to go try out for Kaballah instead?

What about you? Wanna join with me? C'mon, it's a fun meme. Just do it. You don't even have to tag anyone.


Salem Watchen said...

Count me in - where do we sign up?

Patsy Darling said...

You are too fecking funny. Sharks with fricking laser beams. The more I read your blog the more I realize you are the funniest person I know.

aka_monty said...

Okay, count me in. :)
Now, if you decide to become a Scientologist, please email me immediately so that I can get a jump start on making fun of you. ;)

Indigo said...

Aww, don't go becoming a scientologist now. I like you just the way you are!

I hope you are enjoying Johnny Cougar! Love his concerts!!!!

deputyswife said...

Oh. My. God.

Can you actually believe that they ask that crap? Have you ever smothered a baby? WTF???

By the looks of your answers, it looks like you ain't gonna git in honey. Which is a GOOD a thing.

peashelle said...

OMG! LOL! And, wow. That is a stunning array of questions. They certainly peddle a special brand of crazy, don't they? :|

trine said...

that is not only funny that is SCARY!!!

have you ever zapped anyone??


Better Safe Than Sorry said...

don't think you're going to get in, hard to believe that tommy boy is actually crazier than you;)
have a great time at the concert!

acumamakiki said...

Always a pleasure to read your blog. Have fun at the Mellencamp concert! WTF about the smothered baby question in the meme? No possible good can come from me answering a question like that!

Peanutt said...

Too freaking funny that you and Patsy both said, "don't know if I'll post Sunday, due to hangover!" That is classic!!! I wanna come to the concert too!!!!!!
Have a great time chick!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

To be a Scientologist, you have to go to the 'Brainwashed-R-Us' store.

Cat said...

OMG, this is funny! except for question #13.
I am going to have to take this one.
but I fear I wont get in either. But one never knows these things till they try!
Have fun at the concert!

Finn said...

Sadly, I have killed the wrong person. Do I get a do-over?

Have a great time at the concert—drink a big glass of water and take two aspirin or Advil before you go to bed. You'll feel much better in the morning! ;)

Charlie Mc said...

make sure you get in there for John Fogerty!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlie Mc said...

make sure you get in there for John Fogerty!!!!!!!!!!!

Mainline Mom said...

That's just WRONG. Tom Cruise is just WRONG. Yikes.

MommaK said...

Hope you have a great time at the concert!!

Bumbling Bav said...

I need to know... are they allowed to drink.... before I join and all.


Dawn said...

You are in! How could they not want you:)

Sleeping Mommy said...

Oh My God.

Those questions are real you say?

It's just to crazy to believe.

Janet said...

A fellow Jersey!

The scary thing about this questionnaire is I really don't know what type of answers are good and which type are bad.

Daisy Mae said...

Bizzare questions. I do't think I want to become a Scientologist. They sound like freaks. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to go back to my space-ship and return to my home planet where we egg TomKat clones on sight.

fsgsf said...

Wow! Real crap indeed !

I think I may start a religion of my own! Anyone wanna join me?


NJ from NJ

TheSugarV said...

Did you ever zap anyone...and your answer...Thats great I actually laughed out loud.

cyouincourt007 said...

your blog is great to read and a pleasure for the eyes to see....very impressive
thanx for the laughs... : )

Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

OK, that was a great funny twist on something that otherwise would disturb be greatly. Some of those questions! Aye, aye, aye!

Nicole got out at the nick of time.

Anonymous said...

Clearly I need to become a Scientologist.