Thursday, February 26, 2015

Black vs. Blonde

So these are the things that keep me up at night: what color shall I dye my hair?

I spent a good portion of my best years with jet black hair. I often had some dark red chunks of color thrown in just to make it a little less goth, or something? I have just always felt like black hair complimented my personality. I'm dark. I have a dark sense of humor and I mostly do not like people. I am sultry and sexy and a little mysterious. I am full of sarcasm and vinegar and I really don't give a fuck what you think about me. So black hair has always matched me well.
I am the goddess of darkness and evil.

As I age (quite gracefully, if I do say so myself, but aging nonetheless), I feel like black hair shows every imperfection in my face. I am very pale ("alabaster" is my shade, I have been told) and until now I have always liked the contrast of darkest hair with lightest face. Now though, I fear it makes me look older, which is not something I am particularly looking for at this stage of the game. Light hair keeps my skin looking lighter and fresher and non-wrinkly. Black hair reveals every secret my face is trying to hide with a good makeup job.

(Now, don't get me wrong. I am not a wrinkled mess. I have very few wrinkles and pretty good skin. A former boyfriend's mom used to call me a porcelain doll because my skin was so perfect, and I'm not that anymore. That was in high school. But I'm still pretty happy with what I've got.)

I really needed a drastic change a few years back and my hair has always taken the brunt of my rash decisions to go insane. During a spontaneous visit to the salon, I went from black to blonde in one afternoon. And I then went even blonder. I liked it, but was it really representative of me?
I am sweetness and light and everything nice. Except, I'm not.

I am currently a medium blonde. I don't love it. It feels mature and serious and while I may be at an age that is mature and serious, I am not. I have a high-level job and own a house and a BMW and have a yeah, I guess there's some of that in there. But I'm also the broad who will decide on a whim to fly off somewhere and spend a weekend letting loose. I'll jump in a mosh pit. I'll be decidedly unladylike in my consumption of beers and then argue my feminist politics with drunk fratboys till they give up or pass out because I outdrank them.

So I feel like my hair does not represent me right now and I don't know what to do. Part of me says, just go platinum blonde. Go for it. Dye your hair whitish blonde and cut it short in a pixie and say fuck it all. Another part of me says, Go for it. Dye your hair jet black again, maybe with dark blue highlights this time, and leave it long and gothy and punky and say fuck it all.

The truth is, as I try to make the "right" decision for my hair, I will never be younger than I am today. I dyed my hair pink a couple years ago and I felt like I had really had my fill of that when I was 20. But I did it because I wanted to and I loved it and so did everyone else (except my boss, I suppose...). So I think I just need to do what I want to do and not worry about age or any of that, because I won't be any younger next year so the window will just keep closing on what I think is "appropriate" for me.

Now, if I could just decide between way too blonde and way too black, I'd be in good shape.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Kids and Kissing

I had such a strange thing happen the other day and I don't know if I'm handling it right. I'd love advice because I want to do the right thing, but I don't want to sensationalize it by talking to people who know the players about it, I don't want to post it on facebook for advice because the person involved will see it, and twitter is too simplistic for this kind of question. So I figured I'd blog it and no one will see it or give advice, but maybe typing it all out will give me some clarity.

We were having dinner with one of Princess' friends, who is a girl of about 10 years old. I am forever trying to find out what boys Princess likes and she won't tell I asked this friend (let's call her Jessica) who she herself likes. I was trying to prime the pump so I could then ask her who Princess likes. Jessica replied to me by holding up 2 fingers. I said, whoa, two boys? And she said no, actually, one boy and one girl (both around her same age). That answer surprised me a little, but I tried not to show it. We talked some more about it and she was very matter of fact about it (which impressed me - no guilt, no fearful questioning, no worrying that I wouldn't be accepting. What a difference a generation can make!).

Then, she told me that she had "done stuff" with the girl, which included kissing in her bed. They had gone into her bed, which is the top bunk of a bunk bed she shares with her younger sister, and set up pillows all around it so no one could see in. That's where I kind of got concerned. I mean, its one thing at 10 to have crushes or to like boys or girls or whatever. But the sneaking into her bed? The putting up the pillows so it was secret? The kissing in bed, at 10 years old?

After she told me all about this girl and boy she liked, she said that she was bisexual. Used that label, that word to describe herself. That threw me for a loop. Where had she learned that word, at 10 years old, and who told her that was the label for what she is?

I asked her if her mom knew about the people she had crushes on and about the kissing. She said no.

So the question is - should I tell her mother? My gut says no because I don't want to out this kid to her mom. I am friendly with the mom and she is a nice person...but she is very religious so I don't know how she would react. I don't know if it's my place to tell the mom something that the kid confided in me, something that she deliberately did not tell her mom. Maybe this opens a door for Jessica to talk to me about things she can't talk to her mom about, and I can guide her. Which, in all honesty, I did not do this time around because I was in shock and didn't know what to say. But I would be better next time.

But then I think about it and if this was my kid telling another mom that she was bisexual and kissing girls secretively in her bed...I would want to know. I'd want to deal with the kissing-in-the-bed part because I don't care if its a boy or girl or alien, they are not to be in your bed and you are not to be kissing. These are 5th graders we are talking about here.

I think my best bet is to leave it alone. I'd hate myself if I told the mom and then she punished the kid in some way for liking girls. I don't think I can take that chance, knowing what the repercussions could be.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Blizzard of 2015

I have to say, although the much-hyped Blizzard of 2015 was a dud, I still enjoyed it greatly. Because I work in Human Resources, I am usually up at the crack of dawn making the decision on whether my company stays open or closes. The part of me that's an employee feels like we should always close because it's sure nice to have an unexpected day off. The HR part of me needs to make sure we stay open if at all possible so business gets done. But the almighty blizzard made the choice easy and the staying at home enjoyable,

We made the call on Monday to close the office at 2pm so everyone could get home safe before the worst of the snow and wind hit. I was home in my jammies by 2:30pm, and Princess was at a friend's house around the block, and I had a nice afternoon alone with my dog. Then, around 9pm, we decided to close on Tuesday. This was great on several levels....for one, I had off on Tuesday! Secondly, and maybe most importantly, I didn't have to set an alarm! So I slept till around 10, watched The Interview with hubby (while Princess was at yet another friend's house), and then went out to a local craft beer bar and dinner. The roads were clear, no one was really out, and it was a peaceful day.

So thank you, Blizzard of 2015. Many are cursing you for curving to the east or west or whichever way you swerved to avoid us, but I could not be happier. And to your cousin who looks like s/he might be headed our way on Sunday night...bring it on!

Friday, January 16, 2015

Short List 2015

You know what a short list is, don't you? It's the list of 5 people (a laminated list, if you are Ross Geller) who you can sleep with and your significant other can't get mad. It's basically your get-out-of-jail-free card.

So I was reading back in this blog (wow, I was quite amusing and a lot of fun, if I do say so myself) and I found two short lists I'd made in the past. I haven't looked at them yet (no cheating!) but I am going to link to them. I can't wait to compare.

ETA: Here is my 2006 list and my 2005 list. Only Eddie Vedder and Jared Leto are repeats! How interesting.

1. Eddie Vedder: I have gone totally old school lately. I saw Pearl Jam in concert (for the millionth time) last October and it just reinvigorated my obsession with the band and with Eddie. He is just so passionate and when he sings, his soul shows. I love that. Not to mention that he is so gorgeous and that his voice is just so mmmmmmm.

Oh Eddie....loved you in 1992 and love you now.

2. Jared Leto: Ok so I can't say I love his look lately. The Jesus thing doesn't really do it for me. but at his core, Jared is just so good looking that no matter how ridiculous his current persona is, it does not matter. His bone structure is amazing. His eyes are OH MY GOD. And I wish I had his hair (although I would wash it).

I'd even do you with your Jesus hair.

3. Michael Pitt: I developed a crush on him a few years ago and it hasn't quit. I had never heard of him before and then I saw him and fell in lust. I even started listening to his band, Pagoda. But really, it's all about that face. I mean, those lips. Nuff said.

Oh Mr. Pitt. You can reach out and touch me any time.

4. Aaron Paul:I thought maybe I really had a crush on Jesse Pinkman, the character he played on Breaking Bad, and not really Aaron himself. But no. If you hear this man talk about his wife and the way he totally reveres's breathtaking. So I guess really, I wouldn't sleep with him because I love the relationship he has with his wife but he's still on my list because yum. Look at that face.

Yo, bitch! Get in my bed!

5. Channing Tatum: My type is usually long hair, dirty, know, that boy who you know is going to be trouble because he is going to crash on your couch and eat all your food and play with his band all night and get arrested for something or another. Which is why Channing Tatum surprises me. I love him despite him being completely against my type. I love his all-American face. I love his body. I love his abs. I love his general hotness without seemingly anything going on behind the eyes. And I don't know why. Other than holy hotness, this is one good looking man.

At ease, soldier.

BONUS: If I ever run into this guy,whoever he is, he's all mine. YOWZA.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Back At It

I had gotten myself to where I was really pretty fit. I was running 5k's and lifting weights and feeling really good about myself, about both how I felt and how I looked. And then, I don't know what happened, but I got out of the habit. I got tired, perhaps. I started spending more time on the couch with my daughter. (And I know, this is bad for me AND for her. I don't want her to think that's how to spend your time.) I stayed out of the exercise habit for a couple of years and really became lazy.

But I feel like I'm back. I have been working out for a few weeks now, and once again I feel that soreness I love. You know that soreness you get in your muscles that tells you that you have worked out hard and well? I love that feeling. I complain about it (a lot), but I love it. It feels like accomplishment. It feels like success. It feels like hard work paying off.

And as I'm sitting here waiting for the day to end, I'm finding myself looking forward to tonight's workout. It's going to be a tough kettlebell workout, and I know my thighs will be screaming and my heart will be racing and my arms will be quivering...and I can't fucking wait.