Can you still consider yourself a generous person if you are very giving with people and "treat" all the time because you know you make more money than others, but yet you get pissed off when people are not appreciative? In particular, when you take your kid's friends out to expensive events, treat them to dinners, buy them the keepsakes that come along with the events...and the parents never even text you a "thanks"? Are you still generous if you are bitter about your giving?
Is it wrong to really want a promotion because it will pay you a lot more money but really not want it because you aren't sure you want more responsibility and work?
Should I feel bad that a co-worker, who sucks at actual work and has for years, is going to be laid off? What if she is lazy af and is kind of an asshole, but she smiles in your face and pretends that you are still good friends?
What car should I get? I'm looking at the Lexus RX350 or the Range Rover Evoque SE Premium. I really like the Range Rover the best but it is known for being unreliable, and everyone I know with a Lexus loves it. And what about the fact that what I really and truly in my heart want is the Porsche Panamera? Will I always resent the fact that I am not getting what I really want? And, if I'm taking the promotion with all the extra work and commitment, do I owe it to myself to at least check out the more expensive and more perfect car?
What do you do when your daughter has become best friends with a boy and a girl, and things then start getting teenager-y? Like, its the three of them all the time, and they get along great. And now, I think the boy and girl are starting to like each other, and then my kiddo is left out. How do I help her manage that?
What happens when you get to an age where you decide you will take no shit from anyone, and that people who are ignorant or annoying or careless will have no place in your life...and then realize you are maybe becoming intolerant of imperfection? Where do you draw the line between what is acceptable and what isn't? How do you know when you are cutting too many people out of your life, and how do you know if you are using good reasons to cut them out?
How do you remove yourself from solving everyone else's problems when you can't even solve your own? If you are overwhelmed with your own petty life decisions and issues, why do people even think you are capable of tackling their problems? And why do I think I'm capable of this?
Will I be able to get past the pit in my stomach every time I see a friend/family member/high school acquaintance post their support for Bret Kavanaugh? It's taking everything in me to not drive to Louisiana and beat the crap out of my cousins for things they have posted (but then I have never met them in person so why do I even care?). This whole Kavanaugh thing is making me insane and I feel like the world is on fire and that none of these other issues means anything because Trump and his collection of douchebros are going to kill us all anyway so why even bother getting up in the morning?
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Monday, October 01, 2018
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Ball of Confusion
Its so confusing sometimes. I feel like the world is falling apart in so many ways. Terrorism is on the rise all over the world and it makes life so scary. There are threats to peace and safety at every turn, it seems. Our President-Elect is an insane person who is not qualified to lead this country, and while I have largely tuned out from politics, I am still reading enough to know we are on a bad path as he fills his cabinet with loonies. The environment is in complete peril and a whole segment of the population doesn't even believe it, so how can we begin to consider fixing it? And people are so stressed out and mean and only in it for themselves. The level of entitlement people feel is out of control. Everything seems dark to me right now, like is becoming a world I won't even want to live in within the next several years. I feel despondent and full of dark grey space. I often want to just move to the middle of Montana where there is no crime and no traffic and no one there to even be part of my day-to-day existence.
And yet.
I have my daughter. She is a shining light in the world. She is smart, incredibly kind, loving, and thoughtful. When I think about her, I think about all the wonderful things I know she will accomplish. Right now she legit wants to be a rocket scientist, and she is capable of that. Sometimes I think she will be a lawyer, and sometimes I think she will be a doctor. And sometimes I think she will join the peace corps and help refugees. She has so much in her that is good and wise, especially for a 13-year old, and I can't wait to see what she does with all that goodness when she grows up.
But how do I reconcile those two things? How do I think the world is not even going to make it much longer, and even if it does, it's going to be a horrible, ugly, unpleasant place to live...while contemplating what my child is going to be and how she will contribute positively?
I think it comes from knowing that my kid is a bright sun in a dark world, and that her light will be strong enough to keep at least a teeny part of the world illuminated. It comes from faith in good triumphing over evil, even if the struggle between the two takes a long time. It comes from looking into her face and seeing innocence and wonder, and knowing that there are millions of other kids out there with the same innocence and wonder, and in turn, knowing that those children are the bright lights in their parents' hearts.
Somehow, I still find hope.
And yet.
I have my daughter. She is a shining light in the world. She is smart, incredibly kind, loving, and thoughtful. When I think about her, I think about all the wonderful things I know she will accomplish. Right now she legit wants to be a rocket scientist, and she is capable of that. Sometimes I think she will be a lawyer, and sometimes I think she will be a doctor. And sometimes I think she will join the peace corps and help refugees. She has so much in her that is good and wise, especially for a 13-year old, and I can't wait to see what she does with all that goodness when she grows up.
But how do I reconcile those two things? How do I think the world is not even going to make it much longer, and even if it does, it's going to be a horrible, ugly, unpleasant place to live...while contemplating what my child is going to be and how she will contribute positively?
I think it comes from knowing that my kid is a bright sun in a dark world, and that her light will be strong enough to keep at least a teeny part of the world illuminated. It comes from faith in good triumphing over evil, even if the struggle between the two takes a long time. It comes from looking into her face and seeing innocence and wonder, and knowing that there are millions of other kids out there with the same innocence and wonder, and in turn, knowing that those children are the bright lights in their parents' hearts.
Somehow, I still find hope.
Monday, January 04, 2016
Sparking Joy with Konmari Tidying
I have never been a neat person. I generally like "stuff" and don't mind it surrounding me. I enjoy the feeling of being enveloped by all the items I love - be they clothes or shoes or bags or photos or trinkets from my travels. But for some reason over the last month or so, I started feeling swallowed by what I have. When you have 300+ pairs of shoes, how exactly do you find the pair you are looking for?
I've tried organizing in the past, but it never seemed to work for me. I would box up all the summer shoes yet still have 150ish winter pairs, and where were they all going to go? I don't have space for that many shoes to be organized and visible in my closet. And the boxed summer shoes would end up being overlooked the next summer, when I'd buy new because I needed a pair of red wedge sandals and didn't have any...even though I really did. I just couldn't find them in the big overflowing boxes. I'm not a hoarder, but I certainly do love stuff.
I was reading In Style magazine and came across a page on cleaning out closets using the Konmari method. It referenced a little book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and something about it struck me. The basic premise was to take out all of your belongings in each category (shoes, books, etc) and hold each one. Does it bring you joy? Yes? Then it stays. No? Then it goes. This made a lot of sense to me, when thinking of my wardrobe.
I mean, right now it's winter. That means that 90% of the time I am wearing boots. And I have about 30 pairs of boots. How many of those do I actually *wear* though? I consistently wear 2 pairs of black boots, one pair of camel boots, and one pair of brown boots. That's 4 pairs. Those boots make me happy - they are tall, good quality, fit well, comfortable, fashionable. The other 26 or so pairs? Well, I liked them when I bought them. These had fur around the top, which I thought was cute. Those had those punky buckles and unique army-green color I really liked. But the truth is that I never wore them. So why are they cluttering my closet and therefore my mind?
I bought the book and started to read. It's a little too new-agey for me, in reality. I don't think my socks have feelings and I don't think I have to thank my clothes for a job well done. So there has definitely been some eye-rolling on my part. But I am pushing past the weirdness and getting to the root of the book and how it can help me. So over the weekend, I emptied my closet.
You can't imagine the volume of clothes and shoes and bags and accessories I have...but I took out all the clothes (starting with the clothes is Marie Kondo's advice...get to your books and paperwork and photos later) and went through them piece by piece. Some of it was really easy - there are so many things I haven't worn in forever and those were easy to put in the Donate pile. Others were harder. I have some expensive designer clothes. I have been a multitude of sizes. It's hard to let go of that Emmanuel Ungaro jacket I've had for centuries but only worn a handful of times. It's hard to see that Dolce & Gabbana blouse go. But even as I made the decision to put them in the Donate pile, I felt a weight lifted off of me. Now I could see that other funky Ungaro blazer that was buried under the Things I Own But Never Wear. It got easier and easier as the day went on.
Some things that I never wear got to stay. My Aces & 8's NYC t-shirt stays: it's from an awesome time in my life and just looking at it truly does bring me joy. Plus, it says SHUT UP AND DRINK on the back in huge letters, and I still need that in my life. My Finisher t-shirt from my first 5k in Central Park stays as it represents an accomplishment for me as a complete non-runner - I trained and I worked hard and I did it, hills and all. So the shirt stays. But the sentimental keeps were few and far between.
I'm nowhere near done with this process. I have done most of my clothes and all of my makeup (there was a LOT of it...I discarded bags and bags of the stuff!) and I still have shoes and bags and coats to go through. And then comes the jewelry - I am overloaded with costume jewelry. It's my favorite, but I have so much that I can't make decisions about what to wear daily because I can't see it all or dig through it. And then will come the rest of the house - the kitchen and the bathrooms and the office, and TJK's room, which will be a challenge. So I have a long way to go to make the Konmari Method part of my every day life. But I have to admit that I'm pretty excited about how it's going so far and in the changes I feel in myself already. I really want to make this part of my life - I can see it saving me money as well, if I only buy the items that "bring me joy" and avoid the ones that don't.
I've tried organizing in the past, but it never seemed to work for me. I would box up all the summer shoes yet still have 150ish winter pairs, and where were they all going to go? I don't have space for that many shoes to be organized and visible in my closet. And the boxed summer shoes would end up being overlooked the next summer, when I'd buy new because I needed a pair of red wedge sandals and didn't have any...even though I really did. I just couldn't find them in the big overflowing boxes. I'm not a hoarder, but I certainly do love stuff.
I was reading In Style magazine and came across a page on cleaning out closets using the Konmari method. It referenced a little book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and something about it struck me. The basic premise was to take out all of your belongings in each category (shoes, books, etc) and hold each one. Does it bring you joy? Yes? Then it stays. No? Then it goes. This made a lot of sense to me, when thinking of my wardrobe.
I mean, right now it's winter. That means that 90% of the time I am wearing boots. And I have about 30 pairs of boots. How many of those do I actually *wear* though? I consistently wear 2 pairs of black boots, one pair of camel boots, and one pair of brown boots. That's 4 pairs. Those boots make me happy - they are tall, good quality, fit well, comfortable, fashionable. The other 26 or so pairs? Well, I liked them when I bought them. These had fur around the top, which I thought was cute. Those had those punky buckles and unique army-green color I really liked. But the truth is that I never wore them. So why are they cluttering my closet and therefore my mind?
I bought the book and started to read. It's a little too new-agey for me, in reality. I don't think my socks have feelings and I don't think I have to thank my clothes for a job well done. So there has definitely been some eye-rolling on my part. But I am pushing past the weirdness and getting to the root of the book and how it can help me. So over the weekend, I emptied my closet.
You can't imagine the volume of clothes and shoes and bags and accessories I have...but I took out all the clothes (starting with the clothes is Marie Kondo's advice...get to your books and paperwork and photos later) and went through them piece by piece. Some of it was really easy - there are so many things I haven't worn in forever and those were easy to put in the Donate pile. Others were harder. I have some expensive designer clothes. I have been a multitude of sizes. It's hard to let go of that Emmanuel Ungaro jacket I've had for centuries but only worn a handful of times. It's hard to see that Dolce & Gabbana blouse go. But even as I made the decision to put them in the Donate pile, I felt a weight lifted off of me. Now I could see that other funky Ungaro blazer that was buried under the Things I Own But Never Wear. It got easier and easier as the day went on.
Some things that I never wear got to stay. My Aces & 8's NYC t-shirt stays: it's from an awesome time in my life and just looking at it truly does bring me joy. Plus, it says SHUT UP AND DRINK on the back in huge letters, and I still need that in my life. My Finisher t-shirt from my first 5k in Central Park stays as it represents an accomplishment for me as a complete non-runner - I trained and I worked hard and I did it, hills and all. So the shirt stays. But the sentimental keeps were few and far between.
I'm nowhere near done with this process. I have done most of my clothes and all of my makeup (there was a LOT of it...I discarded bags and bags of the stuff!) and I still have shoes and bags and coats to go through. And then comes the jewelry - I am overloaded with costume jewelry. It's my favorite, but I have so much that I can't make decisions about what to wear daily because I can't see it all or dig through it. And then will come the rest of the house - the kitchen and the bathrooms and the office, and TJK's room, which will be a challenge. So I have a long way to go to make the Konmari Method part of my every day life. But I have to admit that I'm pretty excited about how it's going so far and in the changes I feel in myself already. I really want to make this part of my life - I can see it saving me money as well, if I only buy the items that "bring me joy" and avoid the ones that don't.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Thinking About the New Year - a Draft
It's about this time of year that I start thinking about the year that is ending as well as the approaching of a new one. I don't put much salt into the idea that on December 31, everything from the year before ends and come midnight, it's a brand new you. I really think that's a formula for failure. I feel like the changing of the year simply gives me time to reflect on how things are going, what I'm happy with, and what I'd like to improve or change. And what I really need to do is to put a plan into place for the things I want to change, because making a promise without considering how to carry it through is just empty and useless.
2015 was pretty damn good. The past few years have been, really. I have very little to complain about and very few things that I feel like I need to dig myself out of in the new year. My family life is fantastic - hubby and I are doing great, TJK and I are in such a great place, my extended family and I are cruising along just as I would want. For the new year, I feel like I need to concentrate on my parents more. It means a lot to my mom and probably to my dad too. Life gets so busy with work and a kid and all the obligations that come with both, so I don't touch base as often as I should. I think what I can do there is to put a reminder on my calendar once a week to call them, and once every other week to stop over or invite them over. I know that won't always work, because we simply don't always have the time (nor do they - they're busier now that they have retired than they were when they were working!). But it's important to put some more focus on them, and that's what I will do.
I also need to focus a bit more on my best friend. She lives in South Carolina, and it's been really hard to stay in touch (other than online). I need to call her more and be there for her and support her, especially since her dad died. I have cut people out of my life over the past few years for being bad friends; she had always been an amazing friend and my biggest supporter. I need to treat her as such.
There is always the obvious one: the be healthier, to lose a few pounds, to make exercise a more solid part of my every day routine. And I am, in fact, setting that as a goal for 2016. For such a long time, I felt strong and powerful - it wasn't about beauty or thinness or vanity (although it helped with those as well, to be honest) - and I don't have that strength anymore. I miss it, and that's what I want back. So rather than setting weight loss goals, I am going to set workout and healthy eating goals. I've been out of it so long (and am so busy), I need to be realistic so that I can meet the goals and build on them.
The last one is about my favorite topic - travel. This is the one that is easiest for me to keep because it's something I love to do. And my resolution is pretty simple - to make the very most out of the 4 weeks of vacation I get from work. Use every day and every moment. When I travel, be in the moment. Don't be so stuck behind the camera or thinking about what's next that I miss the moment I am in. Be adventurous. Don't be afraid of anything, from terrorism to embarrassment. Do everything without fear. Branch out. Do the crazy things.
So basically, for 2016 I have a few things to focus on:
- my parents
- my best friend
- my health
- living each moment
2015 was pretty damn good. The past few years have been, really. I have very little to complain about and very few things that I feel like I need to dig myself out of in the new year. My family life is fantastic - hubby and I are doing great, TJK and I are in such a great place, my extended family and I are cruising along just as I would want. For the new year, I feel like I need to concentrate on my parents more. It means a lot to my mom and probably to my dad too. Life gets so busy with work and a kid and all the obligations that come with both, so I don't touch base as often as I should. I think what I can do there is to put a reminder on my calendar once a week to call them, and once every other week to stop over or invite them over. I know that won't always work, because we simply don't always have the time (nor do they - they're busier now that they have retired than they were when they were working!). But it's important to put some more focus on them, and that's what I will do.
I also need to focus a bit more on my best friend. She lives in South Carolina, and it's been really hard to stay in touch (other than online). I need to call her more and be there for her and support her, especially since her dad died. I have cut people out of my life over the past few years for being bad friends; she had always been an amazing friend and my biggest supporter. I need to treat her as such.
There is always the obvious one: the be healthier, to lose a few pounds, to make exercise a more solid part of my every day routine. And I am, in fact, setting that as a goal for 2016. For such a long time, I felt strong and powerful - it wasn't about beauty or thinness or vanity (although it helped with those as well, to be honest) - and I don't have that strength anymore. I miss it, and that's what I want back. So rather than setting weight loss goals, I am going to set workout and healthy eating goals. I've been out of it so long (and am so busy), I need to be realistic so that I can meet the goals and build on them.
- For January and February, work out twice a week.
- For March and April, work out three times a week.
- By May, be ready to work out consistently 3-4 times a week.
- On January 4, start juicing again for breakfasts.
- Only order healthy foods to be delivered.
- For January and February, cook 2 healthy meals per week,
- By February, be ready to cook healthy meals at least 3 times per week,
The last one is about my favorite topic - travel. This is the one that is easiest for me to keep because it's something I love to do. And my resolution is pretty simple - to make the very most out of the 4 weeks of vacation I get from work. Use every day and every moment. When I travel, be in the moment. Don't be so stuck behind the camera or thinking about what's next that I miss the moment I am in. Be adventurous. Don't be afraid of anything, from terrorism to embarrassment. Do everything without fear. Branch out. Do the crazy things.
So basically, for 2016 I have a few things to focus on:
- my parents
- my best friend
- my health
- living each moment
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Tween Friendships
It's hard to know what to do when your daughter is friends with someone, so you became friends with the mom, and now the girls are no longer friends but you are still friends with the mom. It's also really hard to figure out what I'm trying to say in that sentence.
TJK has been friends with Sam since kindergarten. Sam lives right around the corner and they walk and ride bikes to each other's houses and have sleepovers and hang out nearly every day. Well, they used to.
Now, TJK is not so fond of Sam anymore, and from what she told me, I can understand why. Sam is kind of whiny and she cries over everything and overreacts and storms off - basically, she is full of tantrums and that gets old, especially when you are nearly 12. They aren't little kids anymore. They are on the cusp of being teenagers and that kind of behavior can get annoying really quickly.
TJK has lots of other friends. Now, instead of going to Sam's, she is hanging out with any one of 8 or 10 other girls. So while I noticed she was no longer hanging out with Sam, I wasn't too worried because she is still surrounded by friends and isn't longing for her friendship with Sam. But Sam's mom emailed me yesterday, asking for help.
Sam doesn't have a lot of other friends. In fact, last year her mom told me that TJK was her only friend (and TJK acknowledged this and said that was one of the main reasons she hung out with her - she felt bad). So her mom is looking for me to help build a bridge between the girls, which I get because hers is suffering and it sucks to watch your kid suffer.
But TJK is good. She is fine with not hanging out with Sam anymore. She sees her in school and that's enough for her. I talked it all through with her last night and she has actually given it thought and weighed her options and taken the time to look at the entirety of their friendship...and based on what she has experienced, she has decided it's not worth it anymore.
Sam's mom told me that Sam is seeing a therapist. She seems to be a very sensitive kid who has just a small handful of friends who she holds up to nearly impossible standards, and then feels disappointed and angry when they can't meet those standards. TJK feels that she has been a really good friend to Sam - comforting her continuously when she gets sad or has a tantrum - and Sam doesn't seem to appreciate it. I can't blame TJK for saying "that's it, I've had enough."
But, when I'm friends with Sam's mom and I see her struggling and in pain because her daughter is struggling and in pain, it's hard to know how to guide TJK. I want to value and trust her opinions and decisions about who she wants to be friends with (and reinforce the idea that she gets to decide who is in and out of her life - she doesn't have to stay in relationships that make her feel bad or sad). But I also want her to be able to have compassion for her friend who is going through a rough time, and cut her some slack. That balance is not so easy, because tweens can be painfully black-and-white without seeing the many shades of grey.
So I'm going to see Sam's mom tonight, and we will talk and try to come up with a solution that helps her daughter while not hurting mine. And then, if the attempt does not work, we will see if she and I can remain friends when my kid wants nothing to do with hers.
TJK has been friends with Sam since kindergarten. Sam lives right around the corner and they walk and ride bikes to each other's houses and have sleepovers and hang out nearly every day. Well, they used to.
Now, TJK is not so fond of Sam anymore, and from what she told me, I can understand why. Sam is kind of whiny and she cries over everything and overreacts and storms off - basically, she is full of tantrums and that gets old, especially when you are nearly 12. They aren't little kids anymore. They are on the cusp of being teenagers and that kind of behavior can get annoying really quickly.
TJK has lots of other friends. Now, instead of going to Sam's, she is hanging out with any one of 8 or 10 other girls. So while I noticed she was no longer hanging out with Sam, I wasn't too worried because she is still surrounded by friends and isn't longing for her friendship with Sam. But Sam's mom emailed me yesterday, asking for help.
Sam doesn't have a lot of other friends. In fact, last year her mom told me that TJK was her only friend (and TJK acknowledged this and said that was one of the main reasons she hung out with her - she felt bad). So her mom is looking for me to help build a bridge between the girls, which I get because hers is suffering and it sucks to watch your kid suffer.
But TJK is good. She is fine with not hanging out with Sam anymore. She sees her in school and that's enough for her. I talked it all through with her last night and she has actually given it thought and weighed her options and taken the time to look at the entirety of their friendship...and based on what she has experienced, she has decided it's not worth it anymore.
Sam's mom told me that Sam is seeing a therapist. She seems to be a very sensitive kid who has just a small handful of friends who she holds up to nearly impossible standards, and then feels disappointed and angry when they can't meet those standards. TJK feels that she has been a really good friend to Sam - comforting her continuously when she gets sad or has a tantrum - and Sam doesn't seem to appreciate it. I can't blame TJK for saying "that's it, I've had enough."
But, when I'm friends with Sam's mom and I see her struggling and in pain because her daughter is struggling and in pain, it's hard to know how to guide TJK. I want to value and trust her opinions and decisions about who she wants to be friends with (and reinforce the idea that she gets to decide who is in and out of her life - she doesn't have to stay in relationships that make her feel bad or sad). But I also want her to be able to have compassion for her friend who is going through a rough time, and cut her some slack. That balance is not so easy, because tweens can be painfully black-and-white without seeing the many shades of grey.
So I'm going to see Sam's mom tonight, and we will talk and try to come up with a solution that helps her daughter while not hurting mine. And then, if the attempt does not work, we will see if she and I can remain friends when my kid wants nothing to do with hers.
Thursday, October 08, 2015
Recharge, Reset, Restart
I am in a total funk at work. Well, that's not completely true. In my location, I am totally crushing it. I have been on my game with employee relations, with coaching, and with organizational strategy. I know, this stuff is super glamorous, right? Whatever, I'm good at it.
Where I'm struggling is with my boss. We seem to be like oil and water and I don't know how to fix it. Our personalities just don't mesh well, and she does not appreciate me or what I do or what I accomplish or even what my location does as a whole. At least that is the feeling I get from her.
It makes me not want to be here anymore. I love my co-workers, I love the company, I love the work I do here. But I don't do well with feeling stressed every single time I have to talk to her because I don't know how she is going to react to me. I'm too old to be all jacked up whenever a call with her is on the horizon.
I make a good living, though. And I have a slight purse/shoe/clothing/jewelry addiction. And I love the fact that I can travel pretty much wherever and stay in whatever hotel I want. I don't want to give up the sweet life which I have worked hard to achieve.
I was thinking last night about my passions. Like, if I didn't have to work for the money, what would I do? Where are my talents? What do I enjoy? What would I choose to do in my free time?
- travel
- fashion
- feminism
- craft beer
- music
- problem solving/mediating
Now if only I could find a job where I could solve people's problems whilst in Paris wearing Louboutins, Russian River beer in hand as I fight The Man to the tune of Fugazi's Suggestion.
Sigh.
Where I'm struggling is with my boss. We seem to be like oil and water and I don't know how to fix it. Our personalities just don't mesh well, and she does not appreciate me or what I do or what I accomplish or even what my location does as a whole. At least that is the feeling I get from her.
It makes me not want to be here anymore. I love my co-workers, I love the company, I love the work I do here. But I don't do well with feeling stressed every single time I have to talk to her because I don't know how she is going to react to me. I'm too old to be all jacked up whenever a call with her is on the horizon.
I make a good living, though. And I have a slight purse/shoe/clothing/jewelry addiction. And I love the fact that I can travel pretty much wherever and stay in whatever hotel I want. I don't want to give up the sweet life which I have worked hard to achieve.
I was thinking last night about my passions. Like, if I didn't have to work for the money, what would I do? Where are my talents? What do I enjoy? What would I choose to do in my free time?
- travel
- fashion
- feminism
- craft beer
- music
- problem solving/mediating
Now if only I could find a job where I could solve people's problems whilst in Paris wearing Louboutins, Russian River beer in hand as I fight The Man to the tune of Fugazi's Suggestion.
Sigh.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
A Weird Thing About Human Resources
There's this weird thing about working in Human Resources. I mean, there are LOTS of weird things about it, because people are weird and the situations they get themselves into are weird and having to deal with people's weirdness is...weird.
But I'm repeatedly faced with something in my role that challenges me, because I'm a pretty up front and honest person. If you come to me with an issue and you're wrong, I'll tell you so. If you are making a bad decision, I'll call you on it. So what do I do when I'm privy to information that I can't share? What do I do when I can't tell you what's coming because it's confidential, so I have to look you in the face and lie to you? Or give you recommendations or suggestions that are way off, because I know something you don't know and I have to lead you a certain way because of that knowledge?
Most of the time, what this entails is knowing that someone is going to be let go. Now, if you are being straight up fired, I'm the one to do it and I have made it clear to you that that's where we are headed. I have no issue with that situation.
But what happens when it's a layoff, and you haven't necessarily done something wrong but it's just time for you to go? You have no idea it's coming. I'm making plans for your departure and yet I have to smile in your face and sit in meetings with you while you make plans for the next 6 months...when I know you won't even be here anymore.
It feels like dishonesty to me. It feels like I should be giving you a heads up. Like, "Hey man, you might not want to bring that extra plant into work for your office...you're just going to have to bring it back home next week." Or, "Hey man, your three-year money-saving plan isn't going to be quite that long...why don't you consider a three-day plan instead?"
Of course, I can't do that. It's part of the job - confidentiality. I have to keep it to myself and make plans for when you won't be here anymore but act to your face as if you will. It's a really weird thing for a person who takes pride in her openness and honesty at work to handle. As I move up the ranks, it's something I have to contend with more and more because more information is entrusted to me. And while I love the increased pay that comes with moving up the ranks, having to lie to people's faces is something I could do without.
But I'm repeatedly faced with something in my role that challenges me, because I'm a pretty up front and honest person. If you come to me with an issue and you're wrong, I'll tell you so. If you are making a bad decision, I'll call you on it. So what do I do when I'm privy to information that I can't share? What do I do when I can't tell you what's coming because it's confidential, so I have to look you in the face and lie to you? Or give you recommendations or suggestions that are way off, because I know something you don't know and I have to lead you a certain way because of that knowledge?
Most of the time, what this entails is knowing that someone is going to be let go. Now, if you are being straight up fired, I'm the one to do it and I have made it clear to you that that's where we are headed. I have no issue with that situation.
But what happens when it's a layoff, and you haven't necessarily done something wrong but it's just time for you to go? You have no idea it's coming. I'm making plans for your departure and yet I have to smile in your face and sit in meetings with you while you make plans for the next 6 months...when I know you won't even be here anymore.
It feels like dishonesty to me. It feels like I should be giving you a heads up. Like, "Hey man, you might not want to bring that extra plant into work for your office...you're just going to have to bring it back home next week." Or, "Hey man, your three-year money-saving plan isn't going to be quite that long...why don't you consider a three-day plan instead?"
Of course, I can't do that. It's part of the job - confidentiality. I have to keep it to myself and make plans for when you won't be here anymore but act to your face as if you will. It's a really weird thing for a person who takes pride in her openness and honesty at work to handle. As I move up the ranks, it's something I have to contend with more and more because more information is entrusted to me. And while I love the increased pay that comes with moving up the ranks, having to lie to people's faces is something I could do without.
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