Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Dear Nosy Elderly Neighbor:

Thank you for voicing your concern about me sitting in the sun today. Just a few points to mention to you:

1. Yes, I am fair-skinned, which explains the sitting in the sun. Pasty white skin is not all the rage these days. Perhaps you should get some sun yourself. I am a Jersey Shore gal, so I certainly do not need you to tell me when the sun's rays are the strongest. I only sit out when they are the strongest. Thanks.

2. Yes, I have numerous tattoos. No, I do not regret them. No, I don't think they look tacky on women.

4. Yes, Hub will mow the lawn one of the these days. I guess while you are so busy watching what everyone in the neighborhood does, you have missed the fact that he doesn't get home till after 8 most nights, and that maybe when he gets home he wants to spend a half hour with his daughter. And that it has been so humid here over the past week that you could cut the air with a knife. A little long grass is better than Hub having a heart attack on the lawn.

5. And no, I am not mowing the lawn. Forget that ever happening. Evah.

6. And finally. No, dear, I did not need to know that you sleep in the nude. Really. But if you know how to replace that piece of visual memory from my brain, that I would love to know.

44 comments:

Guppyman said...

Look at you... attacking some poor elderly woman who obviously only has your best interests at heart...

;)

MommaK said...

Tell her to kick off her clothes and come join you next time;-) (then shut your eyes)

Come see me. I'm playing with you.

Patsy Darling said...

Is this the old bird who had a hearse parked in the driveway for like 5 years?

Melanie said...

lol! really, i'm with the other guy, you should have asked her to join you. poor little old lady, she probably wanted you to ask, that's why she was talking to you.
that's funny.

InterstellarLass said...

I have old neighbors too. But they've not been that nosey. Once, they even mowed my lawn for me. Yeah, my grass is high again. Need to bust out the mower.

jlybn123 said...

Ok Jersey, this one was just too much! LMAO I have my share of nosey neighbors too...but I actually appreciate it, because MOST are nosey in the right way! But this lady certainly has way too much time on her hands and just nothing better to do! LOL Poor thing...

Indigo said...

I am lmao about the nosy neighbor!

Garnet said...

I'm LMAO too!! And I'd love to see pics of your tattoos if you don't mind sharing?! :)

Sleeping Mommy said...

If I'd been drinking anything it would be all over my monitor right now.

Don't you love the busybodies in the neighborhood?

Yeah, we have the same problem with our lawn too. I would mow it actually but how am I going to do that and keep an eye on my three YOUNG children?

Yeah, not happening.

Miss_Vicki said...

That's why I never talk to the neighbors :op

Those oldies are a trip, they are way too damn nosy! Maybe a little "payback" is in order? :op

Anonymous said...

Did she actually say something to you or did you just get "the look"?

Cute site! I'll be back!

trine said...

Nothing like some old folks bashing. no really, nosy neighbours, regardless of age, are a pain in the bum and need to be told they're not interesting, not welcome and that their opinions are best kept to themselves!

Go true!

Evey said...

LOL. I laughed so hard when I read this. Gotta love old people! I just have once question though? What happened to point number 3?? hehe.

The humidity has been gross here as well, and we have no A/C!

acumamakiki said...

Always making me smile. (=

mrsmogul said...

that's cool about the tattoos. I only had a henna one. I once tanned topless in greece but that was okay cause everyone was doing it!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

That was hilarious, Jersey. I think we can all relate to part of it in some way.

Night Flier said...

The real question is...How high is the grass in her yard? If it's short tell the old crow to come on over and do yours if she is So concerned! Just kidding...but really...she needs to get over it! :)

Master Foley said...

seems that is is humid everywhere.
this shit has gotta stop. its so depressingly hot outside

Katy said...

bwahahhahaha....you pasty, old neighbor attracting, funny ass, tattoed broad.

Natsthename said...

Let 'em have it! Loved this post!! I hate when the neighbors think you owe them explanations for things.

J&J'sMom said...

LOL!!! I'd love to see you mowing the lawn ;0) Make sure it's in the nude to accentuate all your tattoos!!

Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight. Your hubby works late and doesn't see enough of your daughter while you lay out in the sun refusing to mow the grass. You've got a great arrangement. BTW, you could get a better tan by mowing the grass.

Molly said...

Ahh got to love elderly neighbors with nothing better to do with their time than meddle and give you nightmares with their TMI...

Robb said...

That was great!

Nice blog.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Let's see, "Unknown", I was outside in the sun playing with MY DAUGHTER while she was in her pool. Its our "arrangement" that I stay home and care for her while he works. Does that make it ok for you? Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE it when people leave critical comments without leaving their names so I can return the favor on their blogs????

E said...

That was hilarious. Here via Michele today! Enjoyed reading around the site!

Dawn said...

HAHAHA! You have got to be kiddin' me...she was not that stupid was she?

Marie said...

Hahahaha!! I don't know about neighbors sometimes...or those who choose to criticize blogs in an anonymous manner. ;)

Brookelina said...

Thanks for the laugh!

And the sweet words. You are a true blue Jersey goil. :)

Bumbling Bav said...

That is too friggen funny... ouch my belly!

If asked about the lawn... let her know the cow is coming next week, the lawn will never be a problem when she (her name will be Moolio) gets here... and hello we are getting one large ass deal on the whole milk thing too... do you want in?

-xtessa- said...

ahahahahaha!!! poor true, being attacked by an old lady!;) tip: build taller fences.... ehehehe!

Unga~Chunga said...

We'll all be old one day - some of us sooner than others. We hope the boredom, lonliness and depression won't descend on us like it has on our parents or grandparents (it won't happen to me!) "Put me out of my misery if I start acting like that" I tell my daughters. But 24 hours a day is a long time to wait for a child's phone call, a friend's visit or even the now-so-rare written letter. I often wonder how my mother copes with the four walls that surround her - yet I hesitate to do much about it.
Maybe you can find your neighbor another older neighbor nearby and hook them up! Good idea!

Charlie Mc said...

get crackin' on that lawn!!!!!! ;)

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

1. fair skinned, pasty white skin, it's all better than that grey colour of skin those eldery folks have
2. i don't have any, but i also don't think they look tacky
3. ummmmmm, ummmmmmmm no comment
4. i always thought it was better not to cut your grass when it was hot out, just thinking of the grass
5. me neither
6. did you have any of that lemonade left over from the concert, cuz that might do the trick;)

and thanks so much for not posting a pic of your elderly neighbor

Curator said...

I'm with your Hub, mowing the lawn is for the birds.

Cool list.

Salem Watchen said...

You should remind her you're in Joisey, where you get to do whatever you want and anyone who tells you otherwise is violating your rights, not Florida, where old people go to complain about you sunbathing non-lawn-moving whippersnappers and hooligans while they're waiting to get into heaven.

Please note that I properly signed in so you can come over and tell me precisely what you think of my grossly-inappropriate comments. ;)

Armagnac Esq. said...

She might have been just plucking up the courage to offer to mow your grass.

Double entendre aside, I hate mowing lawns, arguing over this puts my engagement in jeopardy!

Befuddled Sparrow said...

hey
i was blog hopping and I stumbled upon your blog...neat stuff!!
happy blogging!

Befuddled Sparrow said...

PS: do u mind if i blogroll u?

Dawn said...

thats great. best intentions i'm sure!

Ally said...

Thanks, I now need to have that 'sleeping in the nude' visual surgically removed, as well :).

Can you borrow a goat and tether it on your front lawn for a day or two to *really* send her in to a tizzy? :).

Erin said...

do you realize you skipped a number 3?
just curious...

turboslut said...

Don't you just hate neighbours like that.

I get on really well with ours, but they did offer to cut our grass once, which enbarrassed my husband. He, too, works all day and doesn't get home till 8, so he would rather spend time with me and the kids than cut the grass. We now have a friend staying with us, which works well, so instead of paying rent he keeps our garden tidy.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

To those Anonymous and Unknown commentors: What I was relating in this entry was a funny story of something that happened with my neighbor, not an opening for someone to make snide comments about my relationship with my husband. Believe me, I can take criticism but on a joke post? It was uncalled for. And its my blog and if I don't like your comment, I will say something about it BECAUSE I CAN. And I can delete idiotic comments if I want because, again, its my blog. If you don't like it, go away. No one made you come here and no one is making you stay.