Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Dear Tide Company:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, I have to go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

45 comments:

trine said...

sometimes, just sometimes, you FREAK ME OUT, True!

i love it! I love it so much i am a bit scared how much i loved that story.

you might need to call those tool manufacturers as well? the onces who make shovels?

JM said...

Way too funny!!

Master Foley said...

LOL

-xtessa- said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! poor hubby!

now, let me stock up on Tide. i might have to use it when i have to see my MIL again. but then again, her blood is somewhat different from humans... will Tide work on witch's blood?;)

Guppyman said...

Yeah...

hahahaha

:p

Lassa said...

Uh oh... See what happens when you spill your wine?!

Molly said...

*cracking up* When I turn to a life of crime I will trade in my Gain me thinks...

John said...

I think OJ was going to write a similar letter to the Isotoner company. You know, when he's done looking for the real killers.

deputyswife said...

Oh how funny! Ya know, I HAVE heard things about NJ housewives! LOL!

tommy said...

I have just thrown all of the tide out of the house.

janie q said...

maybe you can become a national spokeswoman for them, appear on tv and in print ads with your story!

Indigo said...

You are such a nut. Ya know, Stephanie Plum and Lula could probably help you out with that Hefty bag situation ..... ;-)

Edd said...

Your husband must have forgotten the secret of a successful marriage. Colin Chapman said, “The secret of a successful marriage is not to be home too much.”

Night Flier said...

That's great! :)

Sleeping Mommy said...

Do I detect a note of wishful thinking? Fantasy perhaps?

Dawn said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! That was great!

C. E. Farmer said...

bravo !! I enjoyed that throughly.

Garnet said...

Bwaaaaahahahahahahhahha!

Have you noticed that Tide comes out with a new "Flavor" of Tide every couple of months? First it was Tide with Bleach Alternative, then Tide with Downy, then Tide Cold Water (which I loved) and now it's Tide HE (High Efficiency). Why is that I wonder? Time to write another letter!

LisaBinDaCity said...

Wow, you Jersey girls are tough!

Let's talk about my ex shall we :-)

Funny post

Katy said...

Is it okay to say Holy Shit? Because that made me laugh so hard I had tears. Nice...very Nice

Patsy Darling said...

You realize if dad reads this he'll use your idea and use Tide to clean up the blood when he tries to hide your body one day.

JJ said...

Excellent. Tide should hire you for their advertising department.

Brookelina said...

TJ - you should send that to Saturday Night Live. Classic!

Credit Repair said...

I learned the hard way that detergent just can't be skimped on. Tide is my overall favorite with Gain a close second if necessary. Worth every penny ;)

Too funny about Hubby, I can relate!

Raehan said...

You should write for an ad agency, True!

~Cathy~ said...

LMAO... those Clorox bleach pens work pretty well too if you're ever in a bind! ;)

MommaK said...

That was very clever my dear...and a handy tip too ;-)

PresentStorm said...

LMAO

Curator said...

LOL, love your style TJG.

Camy Leon said...

Okay, I will back off Billy Lane.
He's all yours.
I got dibs on any bastard sons he has scattered across this country.

mcgibfried said...

dare i say.. "brilliant!"

Twist of Kate said...

AHAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh! I'll be home soon...hope you didn't miss me too much :)

the frog princess said...

I am highly allergic to Tide. Something in it makes me icky .... and I usually have to throw out the clothes washed with it because even rewashed a few times they can't be against my skin ...

... it is a good reason to have to go buy all new underwear though. Too bad I had to be in pain for 4 days before visiting Victoria's Secret!

Princsvspa said...

Are the Hefty bags for his body parts? :)

Dawn said...

thats great!

Evey said...

This was great! Thanks for the morning laugh. lol. I must agree though, tide is super great;)

DaFFy said...

Omigosh that was too funny! Now I am ever so slightly scared of you...

mrsmogul said...

Hefty Bag is a great company, better than GLAD! You know, I've never written to a company before? I hear you get boxes of free stuff. Let's see, Let me write to Jiffy Pop!!

mooalex said...

Hmmm... I wonder if Tide works as well on EX-husbands? Thanks for the tip!

soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...

My husband is allergic to Tide. He gets red and itchy if his clothes are washed in it. One time, I thought he was lying about it and secretly washed his clothes in it, and wouldn't you know it...an hour after putting on some of the clothes, he started scratching and said "did you wash my shit in Tide?" - Damn him!

Charlie Mc said...

that's a classic!!! :)

puremood said...

Haha... I'd like to see the dity to hefty, too... Hi, from Michele's

Pieces of Me said...

LMAO OMG that is hillarious!

Kathleen said...

Tide makes me itchy, too. Glad I'm not the only one.

And Edd quoted Colin Chapman??? How cool is that!!!!

Mainline Mom said...

That's pretty funny, True. I like the new Tide pen thingy. I have to try it.