Thursday, March 31, 2005

Can't We All Just Get Along?

For some reason I watched some of the Larry Elder show yesterday morning. And it pissed me off. If you haven't seen it, its a talk show that is supposed to be like Dr. Phil (you know, tough love and straight talk) but it always digresses into arguments and other typical talk show bs. This episode basically pitted stay-at-home-moms against working moms and there was no common ground between the two groups. Each group said that the others were bad mothers. If you work, you don't love your kids enough to make the sacrifices necessary to raise your kids properly. If you stay home, you are giving your kids poor images of women and showing them that girls can go to college, be smart, and still "just" be moms.

Neither side would budge. Each felt so strongly that they were right that they couldn't for a second see that BOTH sides were right. And both sides were wrong, too. Do you really think that moms who work don't love their kids? And do you really think that moms who stay home are bad role models? It was so preposterous to me that this show wouldn't have someone who represented the middle of this argument, even someone in the audience, who would stand up and say - Why can't we make our own choices that are right for our families without you judging us? You don't know our family, you don't know our situation. Maybe I need to work. Maybe I need to stay home. Maybe I want to work because I love it. Maybe I want to stay home because I love it. Whatever. But why is it YOUR business what we do???

I guess I just don't get why everyone is always up in everyone else's business. Don't you think people should be able to make whatever choices they want, in most situations, as long as they are not hurting anyone else?


mrsmogul said...

I've seen Dr. Phil but not the other show. I know people that would love to stay at home but really can't afford to live on one income. Then there are moms that do want to stay home because they want to. It's hard being a mom! So I see anyway. My goal is to stay at home with the kids and work from home too! I;d like to see the hosts stay at home with the kids for one day!

honestyrain said...

larry elder is an ass. i watched his show a couple times because it seems like it should be quite respectable, doesn't it? he has all the appearance of respectablility. alas, it is smoke and mirrors. he is an ass.

debates over whether a person should be a stay at home mom or otherwise crack me up. why don't we debate chicken or fish for dinner? apples or oranges? a trip to the lake or a trip to disneyland?

it's a personal choice, for crying out loud, and sometimes not even...sometimes it's just about money.

Sleeping Mommy said...

Amen Denise. AMEN!

I just don't understand any of that at all.

Bumbling Bav said...

I have done both, work and SAHM.... gotta tell ya, people love to share how they feel on this issue.
Me, I do what I do cause this is what I want for now... I am very lucky, I have the right to choose.
I feel horrid for the people who have no choice, and to add to the pain by being picked on either way.... just gross!
This was another great post!!!

There is no WRONG or RIGHT to me!


panthergirl said...

Wow you are so right about this. I used to post on an AOL Message Board called To Work or Not to Work and let me tell you...if there were such a thing as cyber-hairpulling it went on there.

Now: I will tell you that as a general rule, the WMs were *much* more accepting of the SAHMs than vice versa. It seemed like the SAHMs had this perception that they were somehow looked down upon, but MOST of the WMs felt that whatever was right for a woman and her family should be ok with everyone.

On the other hand, the SAHMs were pretty quick to accuse the WMs of "letting other people raise your children", etc. (So, if a father works he's not raising his kids?)

Anyway...I totally agree that this shouldn't be an issue for judgment, and certainly shouldn't pit women against one another.

happyandblue2 said...

People should be able to make their own choices and not be judged for the choices they make.

Daxohol said...

Hey! Thanks for popping by over in my neck of the woods!!

That was a fantastic post. Well said. I agree totally with you.

trine said...


I am *SO SICK* of people judging me for my choices. Like you say, I don't care what other people do, but please don't look down on ME just because I choose to stay at home with Helene. I am not stupid, in fact, I am really rather smart, and it offends me when my father f ex suggest that I am sacrificing two years of my carreer to be at home with my daughter. WHAT? Sacrifice? I see it as a privilege! But then I might go back to work, and I'd hate to have to defend that with equal might as I have had to defend THIS choice!

Great post, True, as always...

Elle said...

How come daddies doesn't have to worry about how to juggle his family and his career??


Women are always tough on each other.

J&J'sMom said...

I think you need to do what you feel is best for your family and your kids. I admire those who work and have great families. It's hard work and I'm not sure if I could do it. Something would suffer. They way I look at it...I'm blessed to be able to stay home with my kids and be a part of their everyday lives like my mom was. I have double Master's degree in Special Education and no one can tell me I'm not a "career" woman. My career is kids, just in a different capacity now. I have the rest of my life to work and they are only little for a little while ;0)

BTW...happened along this and thought of you. thought you might want to check it out ;0) Peace.

Nam LaMore said...

i love your profile .. sounds like you were on the set of 'sex and the city'