Why I Hate Nature, a Meme, and Me With Debbie Harry

I didn't post this yesterday because it was framed in the basement and I was too lazy to walk alllll the way down there, take it out of the frame, scan it in, upload it into flickr, and post it. Bah. But by popular demand, here is my photo with Debbie Harry (and my friend Chris). You can kinda sorta see Deb's forced smile, no?


Chris, True, and Debbie at Wigstock
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I am sure I have mentioned this before. I hate nature. I know alot of you are going camping these days, happily sleeping outdoors in a tent and cooking weenies over a fire and dousing yourselves with bug spray. Not me. And this weekend reminded me of why I hate nature so much.

1. On Friday, I had zero mosquito bites. By Sunday night, after spending Saturday and Sunday outdoors, I have 11 just on my legs. My mom always said I got so many bites because I was so sweet, but guess what, I am not sweet at all. Bugs just suck.

2. In our bathroom upstairs we have frosted windows. So I see the shadow of a dragonfly on the window and open the window to flick the screen and make it go away. Well. I forgot that there is no screen, and not one but THREE dragonflies flew into the bathroom. I had to flee, slamming the door behind me. I am only hoping they starve or run out of oxygen or something before I have to go back in there. Thank God for multiple bathrooms. Again, bugs suck.

3. We are out bbq'ing and I look at Princess' little Dora the Explorer patio set. WTF is that all over the chairs? OMG, its spider webs, attaching the chairs to each other, and the webs are covered in a combination of teensy tinesy little spiders and spider eggs. She had just been sitting on these chairs the night before and there was none of this. DIS-gusting. And once again, bugs suck.

4. A bee was in my kitchen. I freaked out. I smashed it against the window with a coupon-envelope-thingee. It fell to the window sill. I smushed it against the window frame with a big glass bottle that's on the sill. Whew, its dead. I leave it there for Hub to pick up later (I don't touch bugs in any way shape or form) and I continue doing dishes when I hear buzzing. OMG, the thing came back to life! I grab the coupon-envelope-thingee again and hit it, four times, against the window. It appears to be dead, but I do not fall for it this time. I see its little stinger twitching and I know it is trying to reincarnate so it can sting me. So I hit it again three times for good measure, then swipe it into the sink, into the drain, and drown it. I run the water for a good 3 minutes, just to be sure. It swirls down the drain, never to be heard from again. If a soggy bee comes after me tomorrow, I am making a movie about it.

5. The scariest part of the weekend having to do with nature: we were outside bbq'ing with a friend on Saturday evening. Calmly sitting on the deck, drinking a few beers, enjoying the weather. When all of a sudden we hear a rustling noise. Now, I live in the 'burbs, practically the city. I have a 50x100 lot. We do not have animals of any kind around here except for squirrels and the occasional chipmunk. So I start freaking out. The boys think its a raccoon, but I think no way! We don't have wild animals like raccoons and tigers and giraffes around here! So Hub goes inside and gets his big flashlight. He shines it up at the tree in our yard, only to see these little white-ish grey critters which I think are rats running up a branch. Then - they take flight! OMG, we have FLYING SQUIRRELS! They have apparently built a home in the one tree in my yard, in a little hole. This cannot be. I decide right then, as I barricaded myself in the house, that we need to move to someplace less rural. Nature sucks.

I am never going outside again.
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PresentStorm tagged me on this one. I am not going to tag anybody, but if you want to do it, go do it!
1. Blogger that you most want to meet in person?I would have to say MommaK to this one, because she and I are sure that we are really twins separated at birth and I want to see if its true.

2. Blogger who makes you laugh the most?
No question, its my girl Mimi at Simply Complicated. The chick is insane and honest and funny as hell. Go see her, you will laugh (but be prepared for sex talk and bad language)

3. Blogger whose template(skin) is the coolest?Aw, so many of you have chosen lil ol' me on this one and I am soooo flattered. I love my skin too! Of the ones I visit often, I would have to say Mrs. Mogul, because I love the evocative image she has of the woman, typing away in London at her computer, while dreaming of NYC.

4. Blogger you can't wait to read a new entry from?Oh man, there are so many. I try to read my whole blogroll every day but its so long (and growing) that I can't always do it. Off hand, I would mention Trine at A Doll's House, Grace at Dr. Laura's Worst Nightmare, and Michele. But I love all of you and never go more than a day or two without visiting each and every one of you.