But first...I wanted to introduce you to my alter-ego, superhero self (thanks to MommaK and aka_Monty for this - go check them out!):
She is a mom and blogger by day, party girl by night! Party catastrophe - your blender has broken in the middle of your fiesta? No need to fear, Badass Mama is here! Frozen margaritas for all! Need something vaguely interesting to read that won't make you have to think but might make you laugh? Badass Mama to the rescue! She fights evil right-wingers with the greatest of ease, spreading liberal joy to all with a shake of her odd silver bra-like thing! She's...Badass Mama! Our hero!
Friday night, Patsy and I went out for Girl's Night Out. We always go to the same place, this little dive-y kinda place where they know us and give us free drinks. Its usually dead-quiet when we get there after Patsy gets out of work at about 10pm, and then at about 1:30am it gets super-crowded because its the only place around that's open till 3am. Well this week, we get there at about 9:45pm and its PACKED. We couldn't even sit at the bar. We finally finagled a table and hung there for the evening. The bar was just chock full of freaks, let me tell you.
There is a really drunk couple standing by the door of the bar. The guy tries to hug the girl, but due to his drunkenness he misses. He decks her in the eye, crushes her into the wall, and causes the doorman to come over and threaten them that they will be kicked out if they don't watch it.
So I go to the ladies room and who is behind me on my way there but the girl that got decked by her man. She starts screaming about how she loves my tattoo on my back and oh my God, its so f'ing cool. I give her one of my patented smirks and say thanks and turn away. She continues talking to me, asking me questions. I don't answer her but instead ask her, "aren't you the broad that just got punched in the eye?" She excitedly says "Yes! That was me!" and takes this as an invitation to become my friend. She tells me her life story, and you would think a girl who gets punched in the eye by a guy in a bar would have a more interesting story to tell. There are two stalls in the ladies room, so we each take one. She is talking and talking and I am just trying to pee and get outta there. Someone else comes into the ladies room, and this crazy girl starts yelling - "Who's that!? Who's that!? Who's that!?" and then continues to tell me her story. I finish peeing and get the hell outta Dodge. I leave her in there talking to me, but I am long gone.
A little while later, I am talking to Patsy and I see this other girl. She keeps staring at me. I am getting annoyed. Finally she comes over to me and says, "Do I know you?" I am like, "no" and she is asking me my name and all these questions and I kept saying, "I don't know you." Patsy and I keep rolling our eyes at each other but this girl is so wasted and so sure she knows me that she doesn't even realize it. Then she finally says, "I at least wanted to come over and ask if you knew me because I didn't want you to think I was just staring at you." I said, "yeah, I was getting pissed wondering why you were staring at me." She just kinda giggled and said again that she was sure she knew me and then she finally went away.
Another time when I went to the ladies room (I only went twice, I swear), there was a girl in there doing coke. She barely registered the fact that I walked in on her doing this, so I just peed and left. Believe me, its not the kind of place where you expect to see people doing coke. This is not Studio 54, this is a beer-and-a-shot joint.
Finally, its about 2:30am and we look out the window. Now, you can't fully see it in this pic but this chick is wearing a skirt that is up nearly around her waist, she is sitting on the curb, and on the verge of puking her guts out. So you know I had to take a picture:
That, my friends, was my exciting Friday night.