The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Helmets

Once upon a time, in a magical land called New Jersey, there lived a beautiful girl named True. True liked to enjoy a cold alcoholic drink now and again (and again and again). Once night in the new city of York, she met a handsome stranger and they fell in love at first shot of tequila.

As all good fairy tales go, True and her knight, Hub, were married and lived happily ever after. They bought the house of their dreams. But it was missing the one thing that would truly make it a home to True – a bar.

Finally one bright and sunny day, Hub came to True with the best news she had ever heard: he was going to refinish the basement and build her the bar she had always dreamed of. Ah, lovely, lovely day!

But as Hub built the bar for True, he started to realize the dangers that could come from this. He knew True and her friends all too well, and he knew their propensity for, well, overindulgence in the drink. He was the cautious and logical one of the pair, and he began to worry about True's safety while inbibing at her new bar. He came to her with a solution to this dilemma, and she listened carefully as he explained his terms.

“I will you a bar,” he said, “but the basement floor is very hard and your head is quite soft and delicate. Therefore, you must choose: you must either wear a helmet while drinking at the bar so you don’t fall and crack your head open, or I will build you a midget bar with midget stools so that if you do fall, you won’t fall far.”

True quickly and thoughtfully considered her options. Yes, a midget bar would kick ass and would not mess up her Jersey hair as a helmet would. Ah, but a helmet! Oh yes, she would choose the helmet!

True called her best friend Patsy* and told her of the exciting news. “Oh, Patsy Sweetie Darling! Hub is building us a bar, and we will helmets so as not to crack our skulls! And I have a brilliant idea! Let us decorate them as the Ya-Ya’s did with their ceremonial hats – let us create Ya-Ya Helmets!”

Patsy and True convened that very evening, fired up the blender with strawberry margaritas, and proceeded to adorn their helmets with stickers, glitter, bottle caps, and plastic palm trees. Oh, the glory!


From that night on, they wore their helmets proudly as they drank. And True and Patsy were just as fashionable as they were safe.

*Patsy is not her real name. This is her nickname, based on Absolutely Fabulous.

And, big ups to Hub, here is the bar he built: