So did you see Oprah yesterday? Ya know, where women were told you can either love your children OR you can love your husband? Where women were told you can either be Supermom OR a super wife? Well, I am here to clear this up for you. And hopefully I am not telling you something you didn’t know. But if I am, please listen up.
First of all, you cannot be Super-anything. You just can’t. You can be the best damn mother in the world, but you are still not Supermom. You will still fail at certain things, your kid will still mess up, its going to happen. You are human. You can just do the best you can do. Same thing with being a wife. You are still going to disappoint your husband (and if you never disappoint him, I am sure you are disappointing YOURSELF).
I can’t believe that no one on the show could have seen some middle ground there and said, wait a minute. I love my husband and I love my kids. I love them differently, but I love them the same amount. They have different roles in my life, but I love them equally. And I don’t think that one has to suffer at the hands of the other. I don’t think if I am being a good wife right now, I can’t also be a good mom. I may not be “Super” at either, but at the end of the day, my daughter knows I love her and my husband knows I love him. Why does it have to be one or the other?
Personally, I just do the best I can every day. Some days, I am a terrific mom. We read books, we play outside, we go to the park, we sing songs, we go to Gymboree, we learn about nature and language and music and anatomy. Some days I am tired or sick and I can only be a decent mom. We might read a book, we’ll probably watch a video or even two, and I will probably hope that she will entertain herself as much as possible. I just try to make the terrific mom days and the great mom days and the good mom days outnumber the decent mom days. I do the best I can. Same thing with being a wife. Some days I am great. Some, not so great. Again, I just try to outnumber the bad with the good.
I am sick of women being told we have to be super at everything. We have to raise perfect children, be Stepford wives, take care of the household, cook, pay the bills, and look great while doing it. Ya know what? I refuse to buy into it. And you should too. Maybe its easier for me because I have a great husband who doesn’t want a wife who buys into that crap. But I just live by the immortal words of my great-grandfather who wisely and famously said, “That’s the best I can do.” And I don’t feel bad about it.
I may not be Super, but I am pretty damn great. So there. And so are you.
27 comments:
True, as always, I take my hat off to you.
Except I think you're wrong, you *are* Super.
But then that is a question of hermeneutics i suppose...
another thoughtful post from you, maybe I should start watching opera, so i don't just natter on about having a new kitchen fitted! ;-)
Thanks! I think you are pretty awesome yourself.
: - )
ok, so i can't relate to this cuz i'm neither a mom or a wife (yes, i know a guy can be a 'house-wife' - but that's so not me).
but i can tell you that i do have a super mom. she's just been an extraordinary human being. raising six kids can't be easy, as each of us is, well, pretty much a handful; each of us is already like a bart simpson! i hate her style -- she downplays alot of her 'successes' like being a terrific cook or encouraging us to be creative or tending to an orchard and vegetable year round.
as for the food pyramid, i think we know exactly where our big macs and fries are: they are the foundation of our diet :-)
That was well said! Though I do have to say that if you are ever having a down day just throw on the SuperWoman underwear...it is amazing what they will do for your mood :-)
Well said!
Someone once said (I think it was Maria Shriver but I'm not sure) that you can indeed have everything, just not all at the same time.
I have never wanted to be Super Man, maybe if he had a better costume I might be interested.
I am neither a wife nor a mother, but I really think you are the voice of reason. Oprah is completely out of touch with "normal" people. Which is a shame; I used to like her.
And that's all anyone can ask for right? The best you can do at the time you do it...Bravo girl!
Now that was a super...oops I mean wonderful post. Simply wonderful!!
Oh, finally blogger is letting me in to comment.
Terrific post. You are pretty darn great and so am I. I didn't see that Oprah, but don't those people have any common sense? What's the deal?
I am so glad I found this post. This topic was very insightful (I think that is how you spell that) :)
Anyway, I am a wife and mom of two and I agree with everything you said. My family knows I love them all equally and they prefer it that way. So do I.
I couldn't have said it any better!
I did not see the Opera show that you mentioned. But right now I am SUPER - super annyoed that people can be that stupid!! I totally agree with you, I am the best that I can be at that moment. And if that is not enough then that is just sad for them!!! I love my husband and my kids and I can not have the one with out the other, that will be like ice-cream with out the chocolate sauce!!!
But, you mean I don't have to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, etc?
Damn, and I bought all that Charlie for nothing!
Here here! Since I don't have a husband, that made me wonder, did Oprah expect me to be a supermom ALL the time, then? Cause that shit ain't happenin! I just gotta be me.
"First of all, you cannot be Super-anything." Damn straight. Brilliant blog entry today!
I am so tired of this whole notion that women have to choose among "wife" and "mom" and "career person" It's all BS.
How about dads???? I would like a Super-Husband/ Super-Dad.
I think you are great too.
Hiya! Michele sent me, but I would have come on my own regardless. What a great blog you have!
and how are you spending earth day? i was thinking of chopping down a few trees ... just/kidding ... plan for today: ladybugs
Nice to meet and greet you.
I added you to my blogroll. Read you around!
Well said. We should all print it out and tape it to our refrigerators:-)
Wow, well said! I applaud you. Seems if you can even be good, decent, or super regularly, you are downright special in today's world. The heck with Oprah - she is missing the real world. I even have those days where I am mediocre mom, challenging wife, and hoping for a break all around. But, as you said, at the end of the day all who are important know I love them. That is what truly matters. Blessings to you.
Hi! I am here via Michele.
Great enrty BTW, you really hit the nail on the head. Who, I ask, can be a Supermom? No-one can be that great ALL THE TIME. Repeat, ALL THE TIME! Not I, that is for sure.
That was a super post!
Most excellently put, as always! :)
(here via Michele...but I was planning on dropping by unannounced anyway)
I haven't watched the big O since she got skinny...
And I'm reminded of a joke.
"God called Oprah yesterday...he wants his job back."
*snicker*
we talked about the article at our mommy and me class at the 92nd street y. for me the appalling part was the 'god forbid' part, where she'd survive okay if her children died, but would be devastated if her husband died. what kind of lunatic says that? love your blog btw.
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