Thursday, April 21, 2005

SuperMom? Yeah, right.

So did you see Oprah yesterday? Ya know, where women were told you can either love your children OR you can love your husband? Where women were told you can either be Supermom OR a super wife? Well, I am here to clear this up for you. And hopefully I am not telling you something you didn’t know. But if I am, please listen up.

First of all, you cannot be Super-anything. You just can’t. You can be the best damn mother in the world, but you are still not Supermom. You will still fail at certain things, your kid will still mess up, its going to happen. You are human. You can just do the best you can do. Same thing with being a wife. You are still going to disappoint your husband (and if you never disappoint him, I am sure you are disappointing YOURSELF).

I can’t believe that no one on the show could have seen some middle ground there and said, wait a minute. I love my husband and I love my kids. I love them differently, but I love them the same amount. They have different roles in my life, but I love them equally. And I don’t think that one has to suffer at the hands of the other. I don’t think if I am being a good wife right now, I can’t also be a good mom. I may not be “Super” at either, but at the end of the day, my daughter knows I love her and my husband knows I love him. Why does it have to be one or the other?

Personally, I just do the best I can every day. Some days, I am a terrific mom. We read books, we play outside, we go to the park, we sing songs, we go to Gymboree, we learn about nature and language and music and anatomy. Some days I am tired or sick and I can only be a decent mom. We might read a book, we’ll probably watch a video or even two, and I will probably hope that she will entertain herself as much as possible. I just try to make the terrific mom days and the great mom days and the good mom days outnumber the decent mom days. I do the best I can. Same thing with being a wife. Some days I am great. Some, not so great. Again, I just try to outnumber the bad with the good.

I am sick of women being told we have to be super at everything. We have to raise perfect children, be Stepford wives, take care of the household, cook, pay the bills, and look great while doing it. Ya know what? I refuse to buy into it. And you should too. Maybe its easier for me because I have a great husband who doesn’t want a wife who buys into that crap. But I just live by the immortal words of my great-grandfather who wisely and famously said, “That’s the best I can do.” And I don’t feel bad about it.

I may not be Super, but I am pretty damn great. So there. And so are you.

34 comments:

trine said...

True, as always, I take my hat off to you.

Except I think you're wrong, you *are* Super.

But then that is a question of hermeneutics i suppose...

another thoughtful post from you, maybe I should start watching opera, so i don't just natter on about having a new kitchen fitted! ;-)

Kate said...

Thanks! I think you are pretty awesome yourself.
: - )

Nam LaMore said...

ok, so i can't relate to this cuz i'm neither a mom or a wife (yes, i know a guy can be a 'house-wife' - but that's so not me).

but i can tell you that i do have a super mom. she's just been an extraordinary human being. raising six kids can't be easy, as each of us is, well, pretty much a handful; each of us is already like a bart simpson! i hate her style -- she downplays alot of her 'successes' like being a terrific cook or encouraging us to be creative or tending to an orchard and vegetable year round.

as for the food pyramid, i think we know exactly where our big macs and fries are: they are the foundation of our diet :-)

Molly said...

That was well said! Though I do have to say that if you are ever having a down day just throw on the SuperWoman underwear...it is amazing what they will do for your mood :-)

Robin said...

Well said!

Bumbling Bav said...

Super.... heck right now all I am trying to get is OK...lol! I need to get those panties! Do they come in thong?

tommy said...

Someone once said (I think it was Maria Shriver but I'm not sure) that you can indeed have everything, just not all at the same time.

I have never wanted to be Super Man, maybe if he had a better costume I might be interested.

Kim said...

I am neither a wife nor a mother, but I really think you are the voice of reason. Oprah is completely out of touch with "normal" people. Which is a shame; I used to like her.

J&J'sMom said...

And that's all anyone can ask for right? The best you can do at the time you do it...Bravo girl!

Michele said...

Now that was a super...oops I mean wonderful post. Simply wonderful!!

Raehan said...

Oh, finally blogger is letting me in to comment.

Terrific post. You are pretty darn great and so am I. I didn't see that Oprah, but don't those people have any common sense? What's the deal?

Dana said...

I am so glad I found this post. This topic was very insightful (I think that is how you spell that) :)

Anyway, I am a wife and mom of two and I agree with everything you said. My family knows I love them all equally and they prefer it that way. So do I.

..::Meems::.. said...

Go you!

I'm still young and in college so I skipped that episode of O. I don't know why our society is always trying to force the impossible on us.

From the perfect body to the perfect life.

It's pretty ridiculous.

Daisyhead said...

I couldn't have said it any better!

Pixy said...

I did not see the Opera show that you mentioned. But right now I am SUPER - super annyoed that people can be that stupid!! I totally agree with you, I am the best that I can be at that moment. And if that is not enough then that is just sad for them!!! I love my husband and my kids and I can not have the one with out the other, that will be like ice-cream with out the chocolate sauce!!!

landismom said...

But, you mean I don't have to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, etc?

Damn, and I bought all that Charlie for nothing!

Jamie said...

Here here! Since I don't have a husband, that made me wonder, did Oprah expect me to be a supermom ALL the time, then? Cause that shit ain't happenin! I just gotta be me.

Bridget Unnel said...

"First of all, you cannot be Super-anything." Damn straight. Brilliant blog entry today!

I am so tired of this whole notion that women have to choose among "wife" and "mom" and "career person" It's all BS.

Elle said...

How about dads???? I would like a Super-Husband/ Super-Dad.

I think you are great too.

Scully said...

Very articulate and well written.

You hit the nail on the head.

When I was growing up in the late 60's, 70's and very early 80's I saw what the woman's movement did.

Much of it was for the better.

The supermom thing wasn't. I watched my stepmother and my mother struggle. And I've watched myself struggle.

Men can have it all.

Women can't. And it's just the way it is.

Well written.

Carmi said...

Hiya! Michele sent me, but I would have come on my own regardless. What a great blog you have!

Nam LaMore said...

and how are you spending earth day? i was thinking of chopping down a few trees ... just/kidding ... plan for today: ladybugs

Lala said...

Nice to meet and greet you.

Erin said...

hi! thanks for visiting!!!

in my opinon on the oprah show, which i did not watch, i think it it two different kinds of love, and you can't really choose between that. granted, i'm not a mom or a wife, but i would imagine that that would be one hard decision.

Dawn said...

oh thank you -- exactly what i was thinking but you said it better than i could!

Lala said...

I added you to my blogroll. Read you around!

MommaK said...

Well said. We should all print it out and tape it to our refrigerators:-)

Crock Pot Mom said...

Wow, well said! I applaud you. Seems if you can even be good, decent, or super regularly, you are downright special in today's world. The heck with Oprah - she is missing the real world. I even have those days where I am mediocre mom, challenging wife, and hoping for a break all around. But, as you said, at the end of the day all who are important know I love them. That is what truly matters. Blessings to you.

Melody said...

Hi! I am here via Michele.

Great enrty BTW, you really hit the nail on the head. Who, I ask, can be a Supermom? No-one can be that great ALL THE TIME. Repeat, ALL THE TIME! Not I, that is for sure.

A Career Woman and A Housewife said...

Damn! I wish I would have seen that episode. Based on what your saying...I'm sure my panties would have been in a bunch! You said it well.

This is the very first time I came to your site...I think I'll keep coming back!
-Housewife

Bob said...

That was a super post!

aka_monty said...

Most excellently put, as always! :)
(here via Michele...but I was planning on dropping by unannounced anyway)

I haven't watched the big O since she got skinny...
And I'm reminded of a joke.

"God called Oprah yesterday...he wants his job back."
*snicker*

Kris said...

My husband and I watched that show together and were both appalled! We both made note of the fact that she doesn't have children and isn't married. We couldn't figure out why everyone in those families couldn't just love each other and be a single unit. She presented it as if it's a competition with winners and losers.

max said...

we talked about the article at our mommy and me class at the 92nd street y. for me the appalling part was the 'god forbid' part, where she'd survive okay if her children died, but would be devastated if her husband died. what kind of lunatic says that? love your blog btw.