Monday, March 12, 2007

I'll Be The Giver and You Be The Taker

That's a quote from my favorite song right now, All Hail the Heartbreaker. And its how I feel. I feel like everyone wants something from me and its seldom that I get anything in return. So this is a rant about that.

I have this one group of friends who I love, really I do. But they are so needy. I am not going to go into too much detail because I forget who has this blog address and who doesn't, but let's just say that these friends seemed to be trapped in relationships they can't seem to get out of. I have been trying for years to convince them to get out, and finally, two of them are doing it. Which is great, really.

Except that every effing day, these two call me for advice. And believe me, I like telling people what to do so its not that I mind that. Its more that even now that they are feeling strong enough to get out, they are still so weak that they need to call me every day and say, "I don't know if I am doing the right thing, XYZ was sooo nice to me today, maybe I should stay." Its annoying.

And on top of that, another reason its annoying me (other than the fact that I can't tolerate weak people who don't value themselves) is that they are always looking for something from me without ever considering if *I* need anything. They call and call and email and email and its always about them. It reminds me of this line I always remember from the show Judging Amy - the guy says to the girl, I love you because of your strength. The girl says, everyone loves strong people because we never ask for anything. So that's me, the strong one who everyone loves because I don't need anything from them, I can just give and give without requiring anything from you.

Not that I need anything, I don't. I really am strong enough to take care of myself and make easy decisions, like leaving horrendous situations, all on my own without having to be convinced. It would just be nice to be asked.


Bob-kat said...

So, it's not just me then?!!! Do you know, last year I separated from my husband and went through surgery twice and my friends still came to me for advice. It gets tiring being the strong one all the time doesn't it? And you are right... it would be nice to be asked.

I love that quote - it is so true!

Janet said...

OMG yes yes yes!!! This is me, too!

Chas Ravndal said...

My god I have the same problem with a friend now since she is confuse whether to leave her abusive husband or not.

Brookelina said...

When I move back to Jersey we will go out drinking and all that will be required of you is that you find me a hot single man. Deal?

JM said...

It's good to be able to provide part of a support system, the key word here is "part". It's easy to have people look to you for your positive energy, without considering that in a support system, one piece supports the other and it's the collaboration that generates the strength. Too bad that far too many times they wind up sucking the life out of these situations.

Markbnj said...

Hey. Friends are people you can help, and they dont get upset when you tell them, I can't talk today. click.

Sometimes just take time out for you too is fine

markb (also in NJ)

check out the poetry blogs;


Markbnj said...

Hey True.

Go onto your blog's settings, click on SITE FEED< and switch blog feed from NONE to either short or ALL
I use netvibes to get my subscriptions, and without a feed, I can't read your blog!

btw, Great job from what i've seen

One day I'll have to buy you a few beers.

markbin nj

(and no...not what you think...
been married 30 years, so agewise, I COULD be (but aren't) your dad!

Indigo said...

AMEN!!! Why ask my advice if you aren't going to take it? Weak wishy washy people piss me off.

Anonymous said...

gee, i'm wondering if i should give you advice here:)
always give your friends the benefit of the doubt, however, friends that become one-sided, well, they really aren't friends, they're leeches. have some tequila and rub a little salt.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

That's a good line for a title, although some people take without asking.

Think Frustrated said...

The title of your post sounds like a conversation between a prison inmate and his new roommate.

aka_Monty said...

HA! I remember that very episode of Judging Amy. :)

Now, what can I do for you?
Make you a cuppa? Bring you a margarita? Give you a big internet hug? *HUG*

Because I'm totally there for you.

Southern Sweetheart said...

I can sooo relate! I am so not a needy friend and I have trouble dealing with the ones that are. I don't understand people who can't see through fog sometimes - turn the lights on dim and floor it! Make a decision for yourself already and quit asking everyone else about it...people are gonna do what THEY want to do anyway.

Now, what is it I can do for you? I'm here for you! :)

KARCHAMB said...

True dat, sistah. Really, is what's going on REALLY a crisis? If not, shut up. Of course, I say this only in my head. Outloud, I say, "really? how can I help?"

LisaBinDaCity said...

Never a dull moment with out friends! I find it flips though, sometimes I'm the giver and sometimes the taker.

Naynayfazz said...

I think we all have this problem. I did some "spring cleaning" this past year getting rid of those people. It is realy draining.

Caroline said...

OMG, this is ME totally. The worst is when they ask and ask and ask but never take your advice anyway, so why ask? Save us all the drama!