What Part of "RELAX" Do I Just Not Understand?

So here it is Sunday evening and I still have not relaxed. I had the best of intentions and then they just went out the window.

Saturday night was my cousin's bachelor party in NJ (for the groom from the wedding I am in next week in Virginia). Hub was going to it and I was going to have an early dinner with my mom and sister and then be in bed by 11. All the guys met at my house and then headed out for the evening, starting at Dave & Busters. Me, my sister, my mom, and Princess went to the mall and to dinner. It ended up a later night for the girls than we planned, because I had to look for jewelry for the wedding, and mom needed pants and a cool shirt for the wedding rehearsal evening, so we wandered the mall a bit. By the time we left, it was about 9pm (waaaay past Princess' bedtime) and Princess had hit the wall. She was a lunatic at Macy's, just running around and being crazy. So we get home and are getting her ready for bed when she falls flat on her face, splitting her lip open and spewing blood all about the hallway and herself. We all stayed pretty calm but the blood was not stopping. Then my insane, lunatic dog starts flipping out, running and jumping and barking for no apparent reason. It just added more chaos to an already chaotic situation.

Finally the bleeding stops, the maniacal dog stops, Princess goes to bed, and sis and mom leave. I look at the clock and its about 10:15-ish. I changed into my pj's and read some blogs, and at 11pm I decided to head into my room to lie in bed an watch tv. I was getting ready when the phone rings and its Hub. Apparently some of the guys left the bachelor party early and one of them was the one that drove them, so they had to leave where they were and do something else. Would I mind if they came and hung out at the house? Hm, let's see, do I say NO, I need sleep so go to a strip club please? Or do I say, I cannot resist a good fun time so yes please, come here? What do you think? But I tell Hub that I am actually ready for bed and I probably am going to go to sleep before they get home. He says, oh, but C (the groom) really seems like he wants to hang with you, but if you want to go to bed I guess that's ok. Bah. I had already taken my Tylenol PM's by this point. But I love C like a bro so I put on some lip gloss and had a few beers to catch up with them before they get to the house.

Long story a little shorter, I didn't go to bed till 7am. That's right, SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. There were many many beers, many funny stories, many good times had by all. And, as usual, my cousin C and I spent the last hour or so have a deep conversation about life and family and all that good stuff. And even though I am now more tired than ever AND I am getting a cold, probably due to the lack of rest, it was worth it because I love my cousin so much and I am flattered that he wanted to come hang out with me and that he confides his deep feelings with me. I am a sucker for that stuff. And, well, for the beer too.

I am a Cool Girl

Remember how a few weeks ago I said that the cool girl at work had asked me to go to lunch with her? Well, I have been so busy at work that I haven't even taken a lunch. Until this week. So I called Cool Girl and asked if she was going out to lunch today and if she'd mind if I joined her. She said sure, as long as I was NOT a human resources person when we left the building. I was like, I am not really an HR person when I am IN the building. I'm just me. Because they like to talk trash on our co-workers and bosses, which is all good with me. I likes me some good gossip now and again.

So we went out to lunch, there were 4 of us together and they decided that I needed to be hazed to get into the group. So they peppered me with some questions and of course I passed the test and I am now a Cool Girl too. None of them have kids, so I think they expected me to be this politically correct, prim and proper, serious-minded, HR, mommy type person. And if you have been reading my blog for more than oh, say, 10 minutes, you know that isn't me.

We laughed, we talked, we ate (yep, I met girls who actually EAT when they go out - no salads for these broads!), and we had a good time. Yay, I have new friends at work. I thought I was pretty much done making friends because, well, I don't really like people all that much. But these girls are pretty cool and fun.
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This weekend I am doing NOTHING. Well, almost nothing. We took Princess out for pizza tonight, and I am doing dinner with my mom and sister and Princess tomorrow night. But other than that - I am resting and relaxing and vegging and preparing myself for the wedding next weekend. I don't know if you were reading me back then, but I wrote a whole post about how I was going to fistfight one of my cousins at the wedding, and now I learn she will not be there. That sucks. The groom, who is also my cousin, said I could use his sword to fight her too (he's a Marine). Damn, that would have been fun.

Things That Annoy Me Today

- Daycares who want to charge me for a full week when they are closed Monday for Columbus Day and Thursday and Friday because they flooded from all the rain. (Oh, no, you know I am not having that. I argued with the woman, sweetly of course because she is taking care of my kid, until she agreed to credit me for Thursday and Friday. Well, as sweetly as I can. Which is perhaps not that sweetly.)

- Word verification on blogs. Yes, I know I have it too and we have to have it to block out spam. But half the time I can't even read the letters and I get it wrong and have to start over.

- The fact that I am too tired to even blink, because when I close my eyes for that brief millisecond, I am almost passing out from exhaustion.

- Tailors who tell me they can alter my bridesmaids dress, and then when I call them to confirm my appointment they tell me that they only tailor men's suits. Yes, the wedding is 11 days away.

- The place I ordered Princess's flower girl dress from. Because I don't have it yet. And the wedding is 11 days away. And I can't buy her shoes until I have the dress so I can try to match them. Bah.

- The fact that I cannot just play "Golddigger" by Kanye West over and over all day long. I love that song and it plays in my head all the time - why can't I play it at work? (Ok, language is perhaps not appropriate. But still, lovin' that song).

Busy Weekend

So, it was another busy weekend at casa de TrueJersey . It was a good one though. And finally, finally, after 9 days of non-stop rain, the sun came out. We finally had a nice crisp fall day today.
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Yesterday was my cousin J's Sweet Sixteen. I was a senior in high school when she was born, and I have always thought she was just about the coolest thing that ever existed. When she was about 2, I brought her into my room and showed her all my Bon Jovi posters (it was more like wallpaper - covered every inch of the walls, including the ceiling and the inside of the closet ). My sister and I taught her how to say Bon Jovi, and we would point at the pics and say "Who's this?" and she would yell "Bon Jovi!" Well, here she is, 16 years old. At her party, I met her boyfriend. I saw him hold her hand and I wanted to take him out. She's just a kid, for crissakes, get your damn hands off her! Bah, am I getting old or what? But what made my day (or year, or life) was when she introduced me to this pierced punk-ass kid she is dating (nah, he seemed like a cool enough guy). She said "this is my cousin True, my favorite person on earth." Awwwww...I just about melted. Now I know I am not really her absoluter favorite person - I think that spot is reserved for Billy Joe from Greeen Day - but it was sure nice of her to say.

Princess and J:

And the most exciting thing is that in December, I am taking her and one of her friends to see Bon Jovi on one of the nights I am going! How cool is that?
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Today, we went to a housewarming party for Hub's tattoo artist. Is that odd? Does it mean you are addicted to tattoos if you are close enough to your tattoo artist to be invited to her housewarming? Well, anyway. We had a nice time - they bought a farm (its not a working farm anymore - just a cool old farmhouse, a barn, and another house-type-thing of some sort) and they have so much property (6 acres - compared with my 50x100 lot). Her husband somehow talked me into drinking this moonshine his friend made in his bathtub (nah, not really, he said it was grappa, but isn't that really just a fancy Italian name for moonshine?). It was NASTY. It was so strong that it actually ate through the plastic of the cup I was drinking from. How gross is that?

See the green? That's the plastic disintegrating or something. It freaked me out a little.
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And what did I do the rest of the weekend you may ask?

I heart my iPod so much. I don't know how anyone (Tommy) could hate iPods, it is just the rockin-est thing I have ever owned. I truly heart it so much.

Guess What...I'm Expecting!!!

That's right, can you believe it! And you thought Princess would be alone forever. Nope, Hub finally agreed to let me have another baby. I have seen her (but of course only on screen so far!) and she is GORGEOUS. I can't wait till her blessed delivery. So here I am, impatiently awaiting her arrival in 3-7 business days!


(Whaddaya crazy? You thought I was pregnant? Puh-lease! Baby iPod is still a girl, even though I decided to get the regular one instead of the cute pink mini because I have waaaaaay too much music to fit on that little thing. I can't wait!!!!)

Dear Lord, Did That Wedding Suck Or What?

Where shall I begin in order to tell you just how much the wedding sucked yesterday? I guess we could start with the fact that it took an hour and a half to get there in the pouring rain. That sucked. And the rain was fierce - it has been downpouring for 2 straight days here. Hub was driving 85 MPH the whole way because we were running late because one of us (him) misplaced the directions. So 85 in the rain was a bit frightening.

And, oh yes, if we are talking about rain, let's get right to the part that really sucked. The wedding was outside, in a tent. They obviously didn't put up the tent till the morning of the wedding, because the ground was straight up mud. So the chairs sank into the mud when you sat down, my heels were entrenched, the bride's dress was brown after about 15 minutes. And you may ask how they tried to combat the problem of the mud. Well, I'll tell you. With hay. Yes people, apparently there is a place in Jersey that is so far north and west that its almost NY State or Pennsylvania, and they have hay there. So each time I would get up, I would have hay stuck to the mud that was stuck to my shoes.

Here's Hub, sitting at our table in the mud:


Another thing that sucked? The restroom situation. Because, you see, there were no rest rooms - there were portapotties. And as if that was not sucky enough on its own, you had to leave the tent in the pouring rain, walk up a muddy hill while balancing with your umbrella, over a slippery little bridge-type-thing, and then stand on line to pee in a portapotty.

One more thing that sucked was that Hub, the brilliant man that he is, gave the waitress $20 right at the beginning and told her to stick close to us. So at first she was bringing us beer like it was going out of style. And then, she disappeared. So we (well, not we, more like Patsy's man Diddy) had to walk across the mud to the bar and get us drinks. And lets talk briefly about the drinks. Now, I am no classy broad or anything, but at a wedding sometimes you like to have a mixed drink or ten instead of just beer. Not an option. All they had was beer - and my brand was in cans. I much prefer bottles.

Here's a bridesmaid, who prepared for the wedding:



And due to the rain, the DJ (who sucked big time) left about halfway through so there was no more dancing and no one to lead the bouquet toss or anything. Not that you could dance anyway because the dance floor was soaked and muddy and slippery. Some freaks danced, but I was just hoping they would fall so I could laugh at them more than I already was. The only thing the dance floor was good for was at the end of the wedding, when the water was getting deep. We fled to the dance floor like N'Awlins refugees looking for higher ground. And oh yeah, the photographer also left before the wedding was over, so there are no photos of anything after they cut the cake.

And it was so incredibly cold out, and we were right by the "door" to the tent. Me and Patsy did what we had to do to keep warm: drink beer and warm our hands with votive candles:



Some clog-wearing freak in the mud.


Oh, and how about the bugs? At one point, a humungous tarantula-like spider crawled up out of the mud and onto our table and started eating our food. Then, at the table next to us this woman starts freaking out and leaves her table. Turns out the worms wanted some of her food too and started coming out of the mud and crawling around. (Patsy has a good pic of the worms. Ick.)

I have never been to a more hillbilly-ho-down wedding than this one. If it wasn't for the free alcohol, it would have been a total waste. I am going to kill Diddy for talking us into giving an extra $100 beyond what we were going to give for this horrendous shindig.

Lovely Day

Ah, what a great day today is!

My boss is off today, so I have a nice relaxed day. No, not really, I am still busy, but its nice to be boss-free.

I got asked to lunch by the coolest girl at the company, who hangs out with all the cool girls. Yay me! By association, I am now cool!

I am going to Gymboree today to spend my Gymbucks and get Princess her Christmas dress. Yes, its $52, but its so pretty and with Gymbucks I can basically get it for half price. And they have this little pink velour sweatsuit that says Princess on it. You know she needs that.

I have a cocktail party to go to after work today. I love that at least one couple I know is classy enough to have cocktail parties.

Tomorrow I have a wedding to go to, which I have mixed feelings about. In one sense I am not looking forward to it because its an hour and a half away and its a 12:30 wedding. And, I am not sure if they are having an open bar (a cardinal sin in NJ). But, I am looking forward to it because Patsy will be there too (they better seat us together...although, the groom has seen me and Patsy in full drunk mode, so he may try to keep us apart. He thinks we are crazy and probably doesn't want a scene at his wedding. Yeah, good luck with that.). That reminds me of the scene that Patsy's ex caused at my wedding. He got SO hammered that he pulled his pants down while some chick smacked his arse with a maraca. Then he yacked in the gardens, and passed out face down on the bathroom floor. My wedding was the most fun evah.

And then Sunday, while in hangover mode, I will be visiting EVERY SINGLE BLOG ON MY BLOGROLL. It may take me all day, but I will do it. Because I love you, really I do.

That's Right, My Kid Is Brilliant

I went to pick up Princess from daycare yesterday after work, and two of the caretakers were in the room. One of them tells me how great Princess is, how happy she is, and that she never cries (yay!). Then she says, she also knows all the other kids' names. So the other caretaker says, "Yes, Miss Princess is amazing! She has learned all of the kids' names! Most of the kids can't even say our names, but Miss Princess knows them all!" So I have to test her. I point to a kid and ask Princess, who is that? She says, "That's Kayla." And another kid, who is that? "That's Brandon." My kid is waaaaay smarter than those other kids. But of course, I already knew that.

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I am reading the Janet Evanovich books about Stephanie Plum which sooo many of you recommended. Overall, I like them. I am on book three now. But I have to say, some of it is so not Jersey. Like when she says that in some areas of the country they don't allow shopping on Sundays, but that we would never allow that here. Ha. Bergen County has blue laws that do not allow shopping on Sundays. Of course, I refuse to live in Bergen County because I do need access to shopping 7 days a week. But I was thinking, how well can this author know Jersey if she doesn't know that one whole county doesn't allow Sunday shopping? I know she is originally from here, but....

And she also has characters use the term "on account of" - as in, "I couldn't do it on account of my busy blogging schedule." No one I know uses that phrase - maybe its a Southern Jersey thing? In my part of Jersey we would say "I couldn't do it cuz of my busy blogging schedule." Anyone here from Southern Jersey? Do ya'll say that down South? (Anything beyond the Driscoll Bridge is "down south" to me).

Hope everyone is doing well - I promise that when my life calms down, probably in early 2006 or so, I will get back on the blogging wagon and visit more of you. Nah, I'll try sooner than that. Life's just been a madhouse lately.

The President Does His Math

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"