I decided to quit this blog for good last night.
I am so sick of judgemental assholes coming here and putting their two cents where it doesn't belong. When it was about politics, I was annoyed but I expect it. But last night, the commenter went too far. She basically said said that I am selfish for going back to work and that I am sacrificing my daughter's well being by doing so. And she had lots more to say. I deleted the comment, as I had said I would do to hateful comments.
And I started thinking that this is just no longer worth it. I love so many of you whom I have met here through blogging. But to have someone who knows nothing about me or my family question my loyalty to the most important thing in my life was just too much. Because how do I even respond to it? Do I defend myself to this self-righteous bitch who thinks she knows what is best for every person on earth? Do I tell her that if I don't go back to work we will have to sell our home because we have gone through all of our savings and cannot afford the mortgage and taxes (and we don't live an extravagant life)? Do I tell her that my goals for my daughter include college and if we can't afford a place to live, we certainly won't be able to afford college?
Or do I tell her to mind her own fucking business and keep her self-righteous judgements to herself? To think before she spews hateful comments onto something she knows zero about? To keep her mouth like she keeps her mind - closed???
Going back to work was not something that was decided lightly. It was not decided so that we could have the "extras" or go on vacations or any of that. It was decided so that we could continue to have a place to live. Does that sound "selfish" to you?
So, in any case, I decided not to do this blog anymore because I am so incredibly sick of getting hateful, ignorant, moronic comments that hurt me. That is not why I am here. I am here to have some fun and to learn from my fellow bloggers, not to deal with this crap.
Then, I thought, I won't let a few fuckos (thanks for that word, C-Mac) ruin my overwhelmingly positive experience here. And that maybe I need to stop telling little pieces of my life and just talk about music or tv or whatever. But then, that isn't me.
As of now, I am not sure what I am going to do. I am turning off anonymous comments, for one. And I need to figure out if this is worth it to me.
50 comments:
I hope that you decide to stay as you would be greatly missed in the blogosphere.
I don't understand why people feel the need to judge and leave hateful comments on other people's blogs. Don't let them get to you as YOU know what is best for you and if pepole can't understand and be civil tell them to fuck-off and leave you alone!
Hope your day is going better today!
That's the downside of the Internet - people feel emboldened to act like social misfits because of the anonymity they think it offers.
Do whatever works best for you, but don't let the trolls make the decision for you.
That's my two cents for the day.
You should write because you enjoy it. I get an occasional asshole who grows a set of balls behind an "anonymous" posting also. You know what is best for you and your family, if a random asshole wants to judge it, they are obviously ignorant.
Your site is great, you are great, and the blogging world won't be the same if you go. Don't let a random asshole ruin the experience.
awwww man...this is the second of my favorite bloggers TODAY to quit. please don't go...take a break if you need to, but please don't quit forever.
don't let the assholes win.
First, I have to say, be glad you get comments. LOL. Next, I know where you're coming from. When I was going through my divorce, I turned comments off completely at Confessions of a Jersey Goddess anticipating idiots would come by with nonsense because I'm such a smart a** and unconventional. I still haven't turned them on, but I have a separate blog that accumulates comments. I figure if it's really important for them to say something, they'll go the extra mile and hit me up at NOLA, C'est Tout Bon.
As others have said, don't let anyone drive you away from expressing yourself. You've got a great looking blog, btw. Sometimes such people come along as tests for us to help us buck up our backbones because no matter what we do, what our decisions about how we run our lives, there will always be people out there who disapprove of our choices. We grow and learn to deal with these types without thwarting ourselves in the process. (Shutting down your blog would be thwarting yourself and very un-Jersey girl-like.)
If the disappoving person is not a member of your family whose opinion you value or a valued friend or authority, then screw 'em. What emotional investment do you have in them, and who in the hell are they anyway to to tell you anything? Even when the people who disapprove of your choices are valued family members and friends, you still have to stand by your decisions if you believe in them, pull your pantyhose up, be a true woman, and keep strolling.
As a professional writer who writes about her personal life, I know I open the door to getting an ear full of what people think of me sometimes. (I am a Queen Ranter.) It's just one of the risk that goes with this territory. But I suspect I'm a good bit older than you and so my hide's toughened up. I used to cry everytime someone looked at me as though they might not like me. Learn to laugh at people like that woman. She'll find herself in a position one day where her self-righteousness beats her over the head like a crazed caveman. Then how she treated you will probably cross that narrow mind of hers. ;-)
~~Nordette
((((((((((((((((((HUGS TO YOU JERSEY!))))))))))))))))
Well, I for one will miss you a heck of a lot if you go. But, I can understand where you are coming from if you do. I had my comments twisted, words put in my mouth type of thing, on another blog last week. I was devastated that people would automatically jump to their own negative conclusions and then people were actually commenting to me, based on the twisted words of another commenter. I was totally ready to never ever comment again. I was like, how in hell am I going to resolve this? And honestly, I can't call every blogger up on the telephone and clear up something so messed up ....
Anywho .... we were talking about you. Shame on anyone for judging you and your decisions on your blog, or ever for that matter. That's completely unacceptable in my book.
The first post I ever read of yours was that you were quitting, crap! I say "Keep Blogging" and tell that self-righteous biotch to mind her own f-in' business.
Being from NY originally I know what the northerns are made of, you can do it. I'm tellin' ya screw her and blog on chick!!!
Nope... Unacceptable... You are one of my favorite liberal nutcases... What would I do without knowing how screwed up your viewpoints are?
Besides... Just so you know... My liberal nutcase mother reads your blog too... and she likes it.
Fuck em... What difference does some goofball on the Internet's opinion matter anyway?
Life's too short to worry about the inconsequential people, so I live by this motto: I ignore crap unless I step in it. Then I just scrape it off and keep walking.
Don't quit writing True! How will I keep from working then?
Aww, don't go, I just got here!
There are always crazies out there that don't understand what real life is like for some people and choose to look down on what they don't understand and can't fathom. And yes, the blogosphere is full of haters, crazies, and people out there to ruin your day. But for every one of them there are about 5 or 7 nice people who enjoy reading about other peoples lives and end up becoming your friends.
So screw those haters! Here honey, have a drink...
The audience cheers!
"Give it up for Jersey Girl"!
Hey True! I wanted to comment on your blog yesterday, then I got sidetracked and now some jerk person upset you, so I feel I NEED to comment! My mom worked full-time while both my sister and I were growing up and my dad travelled for weeks at a time. We may be opinionated, proud, independant women who are very close (even though we appear opposites and have our differences) because we stuck together fighting the world of pre-school and after school/day care! :) We also make friends easily, stick by the ones we make, are not afraid to be around other people and when younger, loved adults as much as other kids. I know this mimics what ALOT of people said on your comments and I think it's all true! :) Don't let some ignorant little cuss upset you for doing what you need to do for your family...a byproduct of which could actually be GOOD for your daughter. I Love Ya, True...as do so many others (just look at all these comments) and I know deep down you believe you are doing the right thing. It just hurts to hear others take a cheap shot at the "not chosen" other side of a tough decision. But, in true Jersey fashion, when you decide to beat her up, let me know, I wanna get a shot in too! :)
Don't go away. If assholes weren't allowed on the internet, nobody would be on the internet. I wouldn't be, that's for sure.
Ah, the trolls are definitely in a mood these days. Another person I read had one send her an e-mail and give her a hard time. She told them to fuck off. And I think that's what you need to do.
You know what is best for your life and your daughter, so don't let some self-righteous, more than likely Born Again Republican type tell you differently. Yes, it would be so much better if you stayed home with Princess and then ended up on the street since then you could be with her always. That's so much more important than making sure she has a bed in which to sleep, a roof over her head, nutritious food to eat - I hear there's good stuff in dumpsters behind fast food restaurants.
So, that's my two cents. ;-) Don't give in to the haters.
NOOOOO, don't. I think we can clearly see that I am not alone when I say how much I enjoy reading your blog everyday. Whether it be about the Shore, Princess, jello shooters or whatever rant you have for the day. You keep it real and thats what I keep coming here.
I honestly think that there are people who go around reading blogs just so they can post rude stuff to stir up shit. I really hope you choose to keep writing here and keep letting us all in on those little pieces of your life.
And I commend you for going back to work to help things out. People who don't see the good in what you are doing are stupid. Sure it might be hard to put her in daycare but in the big scheme of things you are helping to better her future!
STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! ;)
You have a lot of friends online who support you 100% so while we can't always control what gets to us, I'd hope that you try to keep it in perspective. The perspective being that we'd beat that troll up for you good. ;)
I'll just reiterate what others have said before. Do what's right for you. It's your space.
Let's hope that quitting the blog is just a phase you are going through. It's not worth it to let some anonymous a-hole get you upset by spewing judgmental crap that they should keep to themselves. The decision to go back to work is tough enough; you have to pick between alternatives that each have downsides. Nobody other than yourself has the right to question the choice that you are making. Your choice seems reasonable and rational to me. As another who is late to the party, I'd hate to think that your voice would be silenced, I look forward to reading your daily slice of life.
True - First of all *hugs* to you. I understand what you mean about getting hateful and judgemental comments and having it wear on you after a while. It blows my mind how many ignorant and self-righteous fucks exist out there and hide in anonymity. I pondered whether or not to post anymore either not too long ago. But I decided to ignore the jack asses who think they know me or my life and decide to throw out bogus judgements my way. To hell with them. I hope you please please stay because you enjoy writing and sharing. You are an amazing person and I can tell how much you love your family to pieces. You don't need to justify yourself or decisions. Frankly, it's no one elses business and no one has a right to judge. Fuck them.
NJ is tough it is just too expensive to live on one salary, I know.
Just ignore the dumb asses that feel to comment on your life. screw em!
Girl, I love your blog. Now don't take this wrong; Don't be a wuss! and don't let some ignorant assholes upset you. Put their comments back up so we can ALL have a good laugh at them and rip them to shreds.
And I don't know about Blogger, but with Haloscan comments, you can trace their IP. I found all of my trolls who thought they were posting anonymously, and they ALL have blogs! I can handle one rude comment, but when they keep coming back that's when I go to work and find them and put them on my "troll roll". People who are so immature to criticize and then not even have the balls to give their link or e-mail address are just so amusing. They can talk but they can't back it up.
No woman in this world needs to justify having a job outside the home! Especially with children. That troll person must live on welfare and food stamps or something. The rest of us that have goals and dreams for ourselves and our children actually have to work for it. We know that.
Please don't leave!
Jersey, please don't go. The blog universe needs people of your dynamic quality.
If you quit because of the pattling of a few thick idiots, then they have won. Don't let that happen.
We all need you.
Jersey,
I would be really bummed out, if you decided not to blog anymore.
It's sad that people have to be so close-minded and judgmental but, screw 'em. Who are they to you?
You know the reasons you are doing what you have to do...you know that it's for the best. That's what is important. Those who have kept up with this blog also know that you adore princess (hence, calling her your princess), and that you have a lot to offer here.
I truly hope that you will stick around and just delete and ignore those people who choose to be such idiots!
xoxox
I hope this outpouring of Jersey love will be enough to keep you around!
I feel like it was just yesterday when you posted about how much it upset you when your new blog friends decided to stop writing... now you are thinking about making us go through that with you? Such sadness... :(
Either way, I hope to keep seeing you around blogland.
Awww True! That sucks rocks that anon people are making you feel you want to quit! Look at all these comments on people who love and care for you and enjoy your blog!! I mean why does't this anon person actually let you know who they are? Because they are fuckos! LOL. Talk all big behind a mask. Nice. Hopefully you'll take a break and decide that your blog friends love your daily does of TJG thoughts! But if you decide to leave is best for you than I give you big hugs and wish you well! Although none of us really like the thought of that!
I really hope you do come back girl!
Awww True! That sucks rocks that anon people are making you feel you want to quit! Look at all these comments on people who love and care for you and enjoy your blog!! I mean why does't this anon person actually let you know who they are? Because they are fuckos! LOL. Talk all big behind a mask. Nice. Hopefully you'll take a break and decide that your blog friends love your daily does of TJG thoughts! But if you decide to leave is best for you than I give you big hugs and wish you well! Although none of us really like the thought of that!
I really hope you do come back girl!
don't go don't go don't go!!! please!
I understand totally your reaction and you wouldn't be you if you didn't come back with a punch, which you did. I hope whoever left that comment is back today adn reading your reply.
Most of the time, I wonder why poeple bother writing hateful comment. Why not click away? Why bother to write something that is obviously hurt someone's feeling. Debate is one thing, like you said, on your political posts you expect it. Diversity is good.
But what you describe is neither constructive, decent or good.
Im in my blogger guise again (as you've disallowed anonymous comments) but you know who I am, don't ya! only one trine and only one doll's house in the bloggosphere! ;-)
xxxxx
Hang in there, babe. You have a great blog here and your refreshing and intelligent wit shines through.
The blog world needs more chicks like us, can't let the sad-ass losers win!!
mg
Darn, I just came to this blog and found it interesting.
You gonna close it? Why do you give shit for what a few people think?
-Y.
I think it's fair to delete the comments of hateful knuckleheads.
After all, It's your blog, not theirs.
Don't let these cowards get you down. I just started reading you, I'd hate for you to be chased away.
Give 'em hell!
You can't go, True! We'll miss you too much! People are morons; ignore the comments you don't agree with and listen to all of us!
I do agree with turning off anonymous comments though; if I ever get an outpouring of negative comments (or spam, which I've been lucky only getting a few) I'll probably go that way too.
If you do go we'll miss you terribly!
Hey babe, how can you leave all this love behind? Just delete the hateful comments. People just like to see that they have some effect on the world, so they attack someone and wait for the retaliation. The people that you care about and your true blog friends know what you're about, screw anyone else. In my opinion, if you are going to quit blogging, do it because you can't afford to spend a single minute away from your wonderful life, not because some troll pissed you off. Who loves ya baby?!?!?
I've been reading your blog for a while & find it refreshing, witty & funny. I too have turned off anonymous comments & have set the password thing for posting comments. I've stopped getting spam and the crazies have quit posting since they have to "show their face" now.
I'm a divorced mom of three... have no choice except to work... it's sometimes just not an option to stay home with the kids. Do what you need to do & don't let some meanie get you down, ok?
Ignore it! Just keep writing and feeling the love from all of those who love you and your blog. Erase the crappy stuff and forget it.
Just please don't go!!
it would suck to see ya go...
but i think you should just turn comments off..
make it a true journal.. and then those bastards can just fuck off!
Everybody has opinions. I hope you won't let a difference of one cause you to give up something that you enjoy.
I came to remind you about Friendly Friday, but you're probably not in the mood, or maybe it will help brighten your Friday.
I hope that you will not go. I have enjoyed reading about your adventures--your writing is a small tie to New Jersey--a place I miss more than I ever thought. Our common careers in HR have been interesting as well.
I feel that you should press on and keep blogging in SPITE of that Judgemental Jackass. What you are doing is incredibly brave and you and your daughter will be fine. Your family will be better for it because you will have the ability to contribute more financially AND you will have the possibility of career fulfillment and growth. Your daughter will be fine. I placed my older daughter in daycare and went back to work full time when she was 7 weeks old (would never do THAT again, but I did). I really feel that her social skills are directly a result of her exposure to others--not because of me.
So ignore the assholes and keep writing!!!
True- the fifty comments above me shows the true testament of your readers. Unfortunately, there are some people that feel they must inflict their self-righteous views on other people.
Stay at home parenting is a debate that will be around for quite awhile, I am afraid. I was like you. I stayed at home in the beginning. While on one income, I cut everything to the bone. No cable, no cell, no nothing. I made everything from scratch. While doing all of this, we still ran through a sizable savings account in 2 1/2 years. As with your family, I had to go back to work to survive. To be honest, originally I was devastated. After some time, my feelings changed and I felt much better.
I felt fulfillment. I felt I was taking the financial burden off of my husband. I also felt, and feel now, that I am showing my children how to be a responsible parent. What I mean by that is that I want my boys to know women can do anything they want to do. I want them to know that I loved staying home with them, but that I also love my work. That I saw that we would have spiraled, financially, down a hole and I saved our family from that.
I, along with others, would truly miss your posts. You have to look past the bad comments. The only thing that is important is what you, Mr. True, and Princess feel. Do what is right for YOUR family.
Take care and forget about this incident. You have a new job to look forward to! And probably more blogging material between the job and the stuff Princess will learn at daycare!
True - I'm new to your blog and have been lurking for a couple weeks. You've got great style and an honesty that makes me laugh and *think.* I just want to give you my support... When you open your private life to the world, there are those who think they can offer advice. They don't realize how much it can hurt you, how heart-wrenching it can be to raise a child and make decisions like these. I know it's hard to ignore. It gets under your skin. But please don't stop blogging. Blog more, for Christ's sake! Show us all how a True Jersey Girl does it and help inspire other working Moms.
It looks like I found the wrong post to jump into the mix.:)
F--k Her! Mom's have to work nowadays! Its life! I do it, and my daughter will be just fine and so will yours.
No Jersey girl I ever met quit! Put a little more hairspray in them bangs and come out swinging!
Good for you for turning on the anonymous blocker on. True, you know whats best for you but you also know (I hope) how much we would all miss you. The very best part about this community we have created is our individuality and tolerance. I do believe that we all learn from each other every day. I know I have learned a few things from you. Again, do what you have to do to be happy (you sure don't need that bag of smelly grief), but know we love you and TOTALLY have your back. *hugs sista*
Don't leave. Don't let them ruin it for you, and for us. HUGS!
True,
I would miss you terribly. You are one of a kind. Truly. A big bright spot in the blogosphere would be missing for me.
As for going back to work, there will always be a few jerks judging your decisions, but I truly believe most mother's respects and t supports a mother's decision, to stay home or work.
Don't allow anonymous comments. Stay.
don't go! don't let some unevolved idiot take you away from something you enjoy doing and we enjoy reading. Some people will never get that most working mothers do this out of necessity and in an effort to make a better house for their family.
Hey Girl!
I'm a fairly new reader to your blog and for the time I have been reading it I totally enjoy what you have to say.
There will always be one asshole out of 10..in real life and blog life..
You have made one of the most difficult decisions a mother has to make and NEVER let anyone judge you in that choice. Whatever choice someone makes..it's the RIGHT one for that family!!
So you just go ahead and tell them to fuck off, bad day or not!!
Take Care and Please come back to keep us up to date in your new job!!
Of course you shouldn't come back here if it isn't enjoyable for you - but I really hope you decide to stick around and keep blogging with us.
i can imagine how it feels to have people judging you right here in your own home - so to speak - and i hope they haven't ruined it for the rest of us who love reading your posts and hearing about your life.
Stay and blog about how great going back to work is for you and your family. I'm so sick of the dabate between stay at home vs working mommies. Each family has their own set of circumstances to deal with. Staying at home is fine, but if it's at the price of having stressed to the max parents, what good is that? Stay and fight. Stay and show that a working mom doesn't have to be the media stereotype of the Working Mom. Do it for all of us, I beg you.
From,
A Stay at Home Mom
Do what you want, but if the amount of comments is any idea of how much your supported, then I hope you stay.
afterall, 4 days till bonjovi
It's none of her fuckin' business what you do. It doesn't matter why you back to work—whether it's financial need or just a need to get the hell out of the house for a few hours. It's your life, not somebody else's.
I worked from home for a few years, then I started to go stir crazy, so I found a part-time job I can do while Mack is in school. Best of both worlds.
Daycare/preschool is good for Princess. It'll teach her to be independent and help her get a head start for school.
And as for being selfish—I think selfishness gets a bad rap. It's selfishness that makes us take care of ourselves and keeps us safe and sane. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
I hope you stay. And next time, let the shitty comment stand so the rest of us can take shots at the commenter. I love to take on fuckwits!
Oh man, the whole SAHM Mom vs. working Mom thing. I HATE that!
I am a working Mom, and I can personally tell you that if I stayed home with my kids, I would be a YELLING all the time, suck-ass Mom. I am just not that perfect.
By working, not only do we get more disposable income, but my kids get a sane Mom who treats them with respect, dignity and love. And they have wonderful teachers who do wonderful activities with them 6-7 hours a day. Why do SAHM's think that us so awful? I tell them this - it ISN'T awful at all.
Now some Mom's, like the rude commenter, may be perfect Mom's and can stay at home and do everything perfectly. I seriously doubt many Mom's are as perfect as the "SAHM front" would have us believe, but whatever. If they want to try to make us believe it is such a fairytale, let 'em.
The fact is, I don't believe it is selfish for you to go back to work. If you need the money, and you've found a great daycare option for Princess which you are comfortable with, then it is what is best for your family.
And I can tell you are an awesome Mommy who loves her child. Work or no work, that is evident. That is all that matters.
Why don't these asswipes go pick on the REAL bad parents, like the ones who abuse their kid's?
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