Thursday, October 29, 2015

Not One of the Guys

So here's the thing about being "one of the guys" - you never really are. They still look at you as the cool girl who likes football and beer, or the cool girl who can tell dirty jokes, or the cool girl who can talk to you about your problems with girls and give you solid advice without being lecture-y or annoying, or the cool girl who finds great memes. You are still not one of the guys.

C has a little texting group and it's all guys plus me. They make jokes about sex and society and all of that, and I'm in on the joke. They include me because I don't take life too seriously (except on this blog where I take everything way too seriously....maybe because I vent here, I can keep my seriousness at bay the rest of the time?).

So the other night, C is complaining about his ex, A. He was telling us about a big argument they had and how awful she is. Honestly, I think he is the one doing something wrong, but I don't judge. It's not my life, and he's a grown man who has to make his own decisions. I didn't express this on this group text - all I said was that it was probably best to unfriend A on Facebook so that she wouldn't see his every move on there.

So everyone is commenting back and forth, basically saying that A should mind her own business and that A is wrong for making life unpleasant by expressing her opinion on something that had to do with their daughter, when my husband says, "Yeah, women suck!" then follows up with, "Oh, sorry, didn't realize you were on this feed, TJG" which yes, of course you did and you were just trying to be cute. I replied "Oh, sorry, didn't realize I just threw out the dinner I made for you, K" (really, a very, very tame comment because I would never emasculate him in front of the boys, as I certainly could have) and then all hell broke loose. Then come the "bitches be crazy" memes and the "feminists are evil - TJG and A are both feminists so they stick together" comments (how was I sticking with A, exactly???) and "TJG, you need to be more of a TJG right now and less of an A" and on and on and on.

What. The. Fuck.

This just showed me that despite probably being on the thread for a year with these guys, joking about everything and being considered one of the guys, they all still went after me (and have never done so with each other) based on my being a woman. The bitch and feminist comments were just so out of line - and what can you say back? At a point like that, if you fight back, it just proves their point. In fact, after that one single comment I made, someone said, "TJG was all, how can I prove the point?"

So basically, I'm, just done. I can't be part of something where as long as I play by their rules, I'm cool but as soon as I disrupt their boycode, I'm a bitch. No thank you.

Then, on top of that, when C wants real advice and wants to talk things through for real, who does he contact? Me. Off line with the boys, he forwarded all of A's emails to me so he could get my take and ask for advice. Which really just proves the point, doesn't it? I'm not one of the boys. I'm a woman with a woman's patience and understanding and ability to give sound advice. When you want to bust balls, you do it with that group. When you want a real conversation, you come to me. However, when we are on that busting-balls thread, you think you can tear me to shreds too? Nope. Not happening.

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